New to This - An English Man In Trouble

[MrBond]

"maybe I am burying my head in the sand, how should I approach this with her with out sounding controlling?"

You said that you and her have always been open. Again, I sincerely doubt that she's been entirely open to you and still has her walls up. From what you describe, I can see how your idea of being "open" with each other was her interpretation of you being controlling. While you believed you were just stating opinion, she might have seen it as you trying to sway her position.

"Her needs that she thought I didn't fulfil we're that I could be overpowering and controlling, I didn't appreciate her position within the family and that I had no life of my own and expected the same from her and was jealous when she started to do things on her own, gym, socialising with friends etc."

Is all this true? If so, what EXACTLY have you been doing to change these behaviors. You should only change them if YOU feel they should be changed.

"I do feel slightly disheartened that I see no signs of her looking within herself and putting getting our R back on track, her answer is that it if we just keep doing what we are doing in time things will get better, maybe she is testing me that I have really changed?"

No. She's doing what all WAS's do. They expect that a "feeling" will just come back automatically if it's meant to be. It's a stupid belief. She has to ACTIVELY participate in order for the feelings to come back. For example, if you are depressed and choose to stay at home all day and become a recluse, you will remain depressed. However, if you make the decision to get out and get active and actively try to enjoy life, you will stop being depressed.