Laying down my heart and feeling the power

[RosaLinda]

Thank you, uR "I get the hanging on for fear that they will move away if you don’t. But picture someone holding onto your pants leg as you are trying to move away. You keep shaking your leg to get them off, but, they won’t go. So you shake harder and move further away, all in trying to get them off.
But when you db, you are saying, I hear you. I hear that you are saying you don’t want to be married, you don’t know how you feel, etc. I hear you.
Remember, you don’t have to agree with it, but, you do have to respect their feelings."

This makes perfect sense, and the mental image of me hanging on H's leg is a great reminder!

Thank you too Portia " I read some of her posts on detaching that are spot on. And if it helps you to remember, the phrase is actually "detach with love" not "lovingly detach" I am ACOA, so the phrase was drilled into us. The reason the phrase is "detach with love" is because "lovingly detach" is actually the opposite of what we should be doing. To lovingly detach implies to act lovingly which can sometimes translate into enabling, codependency or pressuring the person in crisis to act because we are trying to save them with our love. To detach with love is to let that person live by their choices and to let the natural consequences of those choices flow through. We still love them, but we do not coddle them. If they do not make it up to the bed, we leave them where they land. Our hearts hate to do it, but they must learn."

I didn't know you are ACOA, sorry. My H is too. Thanks for this explanation! And thanks for checking up on me, Complicated and Bright, it means so so much. And Bright, you're right, I need to keep that faith that the fog will end someday! Thanks! I usually do, but sometimes just get so darned discouraged.

I am on a new mission here to DO BETTER! Much, much better. Thanks so much!