My Story - Need Help... Is there hope?

[truelovewaits]

In short, I did everything wrong and really drew out our process. I argued, begged, reasoned, etc. Story in brief below.
My wife of 3 years left in December. We were together for over 7 years and lived together the majority of that time. We've been through a lot together and were truly best friends and I believe that we truly loved each other deeply. Things went bad a few years ago in our lives but I never knew anything was bad in our relationship. Because of financial issues and a choice after one hell of a hurricane we decided to move back to live with her folks. There I worked to get a job but was unable to as I was constantly told I was over qualified. We lived there for about a year. During that year we really didn't fight and I tried to provide in anyway I could, we struggled and we never really did anything romantic as we were trying to get back on our feet. I put on a lot of weight while I was there and I believe my wife lost attraction to me during that time although she didn't show it directly as we were still very intimate.
On her suggestion I left the state to look for work and went to stay with friends. Sleeping on couches, the time difference and other factors lead to a severe lack of communication. We rarely spoke and when she came out to visit she was distant, the intimacy wasn't there and she even said she felt that our connection was weaning. Shortly after I was offered an amazing job. I took the job and she moved out here. We were great the first few weeks, everything was amazing. Our passion was stronger than ever. Things began though to fade as we had a lot of outside problems interfering such as the new job, finances, and our living situation. We began to fight and she was distant. This lead to more fighting. Eventually she asked that she needed sometime. We separated for a minute and everyone we knew was shocked. She gave me the I love you but am not in love with you line. Turns out she was seeing another man who she had an emotional affair with back home. At the time she confessed this she also then changed her story and even had her parents call to explain her new story. I listened to the parents and chalked it up to a miscommunication.
A few weeks later she returned and we went to therapy. We were told we should spend more time together and that the distance as well as not living with each other had taken toll on our relationship. She went back home for the holidays and I stayed to work. She was suppose to come back early and I called to ask about that. A fight broke out as it was first about money, but when I said I would send her the money that wasn't the issue. We fought for days, it was horrible. She seemed to bring up every fight we had ever had in the almost eight years we had been together, things long past. I tried to reason with her and thought I had as she had said when she returned we would work on things and had suggested some fun things to do. When she returned I was working late, I came home and she was asleep but had been distant all day through text messages. I wanted to talk about everything so I woke her up. This lead to a fight and she moved out.
At first there could have been hope but I handled everything wrong. I mean I just didn't know I didn't read DB, I actually read a Dr. Phil book and tried to do everything in that book (none of it worked.) I agreed with everything and took responsibility for everything. Then though I found on her laptop that she was still in communication with the other guy. A friend said he thought he saw them back home while she was away. We'd speak, but it was mainly arguments as I couldn't get past the lying and the other guy. We quickly fell into a dance that involved arguing about trust, or me begging for her to take her back. This pushed her further and further away to the point that we filed for divorce. She denied having the affair as well and had her parents get involved. That story eventually changed and is now that she was questioning the marriage while we were gone before she met the guy but the guy isn't the reason and there is nothing wrong with the affair as our relationship was broken.
During our fights I did everything wrong. I really did. I begged, I argued, I yelled. I never really name called out side of questioning her character and calling her a liar. I did once say some really bad things but that was after I found out that she was seeing the other guy behind my back. When she admitted to it she didn't see the big deal and tried to play it off as if it wasn't anything.
Towards our anniversary she texted me about fond memories but i had just heard from a friend that she was with the guy at a wedding and that they were physically intimate. I argued more with her and she denied being with the guy. I saw a photo so I know what is happening. I wrote her a letter saying that we should try again, listing what I thought was wrong and that we can try again and start over but only if there is trust and respect. If not I said we would just have to move on with our lives. Shortly after that I spoke with her father who felt he'd talk to her as he felt we should try again. I agreed. He called me later saying that she didn't want to. We spoke for a while until he told me that they knew about her feeling distant while we were separated and they knew about the guy but he was just a friend she tells them. We got into an argument as I was hurt that he had lied to me and that he could have possibly helped things. Anyway, I was emotional and angry and just made more mistakes. I didn't handle any of this well. At the time I thought of her every second of the day it seemed. Now she is in my thoughts often but the emotional toll isn't as severe. It has been several months since i sent that the note and spoke with her father. There has been no communication. I'm working on myself and realize I've changed a great deal since just moving out here- this experience has only further helped me to improve myself. I know and told my wife that I was changing when we were together and that I felt I was asleep for a while.
Self improvement and all aside the fact remains that I'd give anything for us to have another chance if it were possible. I know she is involved though with this other guy and that she has now moved back home. We also haven't spoke in months and our divorce papers are done. Is there any hope? Is there anything I can do? She literally turned off all emotion towards me shortly after she moved out. She also felt that we were more like brother and sister she said. She has also been rewriting a lot of our history, but I understand that. I don't care about any of that, I just want to know how to move forward. I want to know how I can get my wife back and if she has the potential to be the wife I loved for so long. This person isn't her. My wife wasn't always honest but was never like this, and I do believe we really did love each other greatly once upon a time. I'm torn as I also know that I can't be treated with such disrespect and lies. I know that I can move on and have dated- I've also found there is a lot of interest in me in the dating community. Still, I also feel that she was my wife and that a relationship of almost 8 years is worth something - worth fighting for. I want her back, but I feel she views me as weak and has lost interest. I feel she is moving on.