Emotional Connection and Attraction

[BC39]

I know I might get some 2x4's for this, but please humour me, I'm just trying to leave no stone unturned. This is going to be all over the place.

Anyway...I've went back over some old notes and it got me thinking about this whole "alpha" and "beta" (or whatever you want to call it) dynamic.

Some things she said sporadically pre BD (within the last 3 years):

- "alpha" came up in a convo. W sais she didn't think I was
- complained when I didn't take control in the bedroom. She liked it when I was a little rough.
- she told friends in front of me she'd pick fights with me just to see if I'd engage

She also said positive things. Like after S she would say "do you think we're still going to have this much fun when we're older?" "Do you think our friends do as much fun sex stuff as we do?"

Some things she said during BD (the negative stuff):

- didn't make her feel special, like she was #1
- I lacked passion
- I was passive at work, she worked harder than me
- habitually doesn't believe when I say I'd change
- hated when I drank
- never stuck up for her, didn't feel like I had her back
- lost some respect for me and thought I'd lost some for her
- hadn't been proud of me in a while


Things that have happened since piecing:

So as I said previously, about 3-4 months ago a few incidents happened in regard to intimacy and sex.

-W complained that she was the one always initiating sex.

-during that same week she said "well you didn't try very hard"
after I complained about getting turned down.

-we went to bed one night and I said (stupidly) "do you want to fool around?" She got angry. I said (stupidly)"I'm not sure how I don't start taking this personally", then she hit me with the "well we're obviously having attraction issues". (this was the first time she'd said this in a long time)

When I asked W just over a month ago to explain her "attraction issues" she said she couldn't, said she'd think about it then get back to me. She never did.

- W read all the 50 shades of grey books last summer. Commented that "all men should read this book, it goes a bit far, but some of the stuff you should read"

All of this stuff ^^^^ is why I brought up MMSLP, but I just didn't explain why I did.

Now...none of this ^^^ accounts for how she's being at the moment. She did say she hasn't wanted try to be intimate with me, but she certainly hasn't given me any sign she wants me to initiate with her either.