Lost and lonely...

[Fighting4mylife]

Hi all. I am new to the site and need serious advice. I posted something last night but in a different place on the website so am hoping if I start a new post I might get some advice ASAP as I feel like I am drowning.

My story starts much like many I have read on here... I have been married for 18 years to a lovely gentle kind but introverted man. About three years ago he lost his job and ended up taking another job that requires him to travel all over the world and he is now gone up to four nights a week. He is exhausted all of the time. In January I noticed he did not say I love you as much as he used to and we were spending more and more time apart even when he was home. I began to complain about his job more and asked him to look for something else. He did begin to look but cant find anything according to him. i think he didn't find anything he likes. He works with all these hardThen in April out of the blue he said he could see us breaking up because we have nothing in common after the girls leave in 6 years. So I tried by making sure to have date nites etc. All is going well until his 38th birthday in May he comes out with he doesn't love me anymore. But is willing to try until my eldest graduates in 2 years. And he does try for about a week. After which time his behavior gets nastier and nastier. I am not attractive all of a sudden, it is all my fault that he doesn't have a good job because I have ruined the last 18 years of his life. Things got a tiny bit better but then I took the girls to visit my parents for a week during which he called frequently. When I got home he just looked at me and said he wished I would go away again as he liked to be alone. For the week following he kept saying that he was considering his future and I had 20 months? To get myself together or he was leaving. But he can't tell me one thing I need to do. He seems to get off on making a point of telling me in 20 months it is over. I then went ahead to a pre planned 3 week visit to Europe to visit his family. He followed this week. All last week he wrote me crappy emails about how he doesn't miss any of us and I would be happier if I didn't miss him or enjoy your singleness. Now he is here with us and is only speaking to the girls or his family and showing me flats where I could live on my own. In a really nasty way.

Oh just a few more things he wants sex absolutely all the time now it he says its for my benefit. He drinks every night he is home now. He says its his only hobby. And one day he will love his job and the next day he hates it and it is my fault he has it. Finally he doesn't want me to look at him at times. He will say stuff like don't look at me or touch me. The whole thing is just very bizarre. I have tried to keep it from the kids but they notice and it is starting to impact their behavior.

Please give me advice to get me at least through the next two weeks. I am most and lonely.