One giant leap forward!

[T1000]

I know I'm to prone to using my mind-reading hat but...
Last week, W was all attack, attack and foaming at the mouth.
This week, W appears calmer and more approachable.

I have my W's cycles in my calendar but I haven't had then turned in for a while.
Out of interest I checked and last week she was premenstrual and this week mid-menstrual. Is this by chance, possibly something to it or too much hat wearing?

A question, how does this help you?

That is your W's issue. You can't change her, you can't control her.

If you were in a loving R then maybe you could talk about this in a safe, respectful way.

But you aren't in that kind of R. You're getting a D. She doesn't like you right now.

Both male and female are controlled by hormones, we'd be corpses without them. You can keep your hormones in check when you interact by choosing to respond, not react due to the hormones pumped out when you feel wounded, anger kicks in and fight or flight takes over your brain. Calm the aggression brought on by your testosterone.

If it was an obvious pattern I could at least be aware of the times.

You and W flip from victim, to rescuer to persecutor in the blink of an eye. It's a never ending cycle until one of you decides to stop.

It reminds me of little kids in the back seat of a car "He hit me" "She was on my side of the seat" "Mom he's making faces" "She called me a bad name"

Just stop. You can do it.

The 2 of you acting and reacting in these ways will hurt your kids more than a simple, amicable D ever could.If you didn't have kids, I'd say go for it, jump in the mud and scratch and kick like he!!.

But every time you and W wound each other, you also wound your kids.

How do I not wound her unless I just give in?

Do you think I should or shouldn't be ignoring her right now?

I would suggest you don't show up at her house unless you know she is expecting you to have the kids that weekend. That means you need to respectfully communicate with her about that and it would be a good idea to come up with a plan for the future so you don't need a lot of future communication. There are online calendars that allow you to do that without face-to-face.

Like I said to PM. I have picked up the kids on a Friday at 15:00 every week except last week.
I was just going to do the same.

Do you know what your bottom line is as far as D settlement goes?

I wish you good luck and hope your kids get the best of the deal.

I do have a pretty clear picture and it is nowhere near what she wants but it is a bit more than my solicitor said she would/could get.

My solicitor said she could be entitled to about 20% of the equity after the house sells, after the debt is paid of. She could maybe get £2000.
She is wanting 50% before debt is paid off, £15000.
Quite a difference!

I'm already paying her more than I can comfortably afford per month which is more than CSA would make me pay, she says it's not enough.

There so much more to it than I think she has even thought about. Her phone contract is through the company I work for. Her medical insurance is part of my policy.
Theres nearly £100 a month there.
Her car has been insured on my policy. Sooner or later I am going to be committing fraud by continuing to do so. If I cancel it and she gets her own insurance the cost will double. Another £100

How do I even begin to get around this?
I might sound all woe is me saying all this but I really do not how I could create something even remotely amicable with being the baddy.

Maybe if financially I was well off I could meet her needs more. From a selfish point of view why should I even slightly struggle to give her the life she wants as an XW?

I'm finding hard to know what to do right now.