lost and alone now

[lovethehub]

I'm sorry for the news you received..give yourself a set amount of time to feel sorry for yourself and then pick yourself up and DB like he//.

I know it is easier than it sounds, however, I have found it to be a very useful strategy to use whenever we get bad news on my S's medical condition. It also doesn't mean that all sad/angry thoughts will disappear right away but that you will only allow them x amount of time to affect you in all you do.

Even though you don't want to do it, you MUST GAL, 180 and look deep inside yourself to see where you need to grow. These are the steps you need to take for yourself, and they may possibly save your M.

I am thinking about you and praying for strength for you. I know it s*cks and that you deserve better. Hang in there Kelela

[sweetbabyred]

K, I know how tough it is. I thought things were okay between H and I, and one day out of the blue he tells me he's not happy and we need to split up.

It's still upsetting to hear him say that I changed, but not until it was too late and he was done.

If I'd known earlier, I would have worked on things earlier. I have to accept that I can't go back in time and change things.

I felt like I was going crazy because we'd often have conversations about everything being ok and many times he'd make me promise never to leave him, and then he decides he wants to leave.

All you can do is take care of yourself. It will get better, no matter what. I wish I hadn't gone through this, but I have become a stronger, better person through this.

[TryingToDo180]

K, I've not seen you on here for a bit, are you ok? You've got loads of positive messages to read through when you get on. If you're too busy then that's great to hear Let us know you're ok

[kelela]

Thank you this next step is going to be super hard to deal with cause I have been with my H for the last 13 years and in couple of weeks he will not be moving out. That is the scares part of separateing from each other especially since we have two sons to think about. I think it wouldn't be so hard if we didn't have two boys to take care of. Even after all this im still hoping and praying that he will find his way back to our family. My plan is to break off all communication from him once he move out unless its able our boys. Maybe this way I can start living again. The other hard part will be for me will be on the weekends I had agree that he could have the boys every weekend for now. I just do hops he does not have our boys meet OW just yet. I know the boys are having a bit sadness cause we are splitting but I tell them no matter what happens between me and their dad we both love them with all of our hearts and soul And we both will be there for them. So may I still ask for everyone's prayers I'm not ready to give up just yet. Thank you to every one for their love And support for myself And my boys I will keep posting once in a while I just need sometime to figure out what my next step will be and I know its a super loooooong process and it could be about 8 monthes to 2 years if there is any chance to save my marriage and how long I will wait for any results.

[kelela]

Thank you my friend for checking up on me I'm doing little better today. H and I had our discussion last night about what I will be responsible for from September and on. That was not an easy discussion to do but it needed to be down since in couple of weeks he is moving out. I'm still hoping and praying that one day he will return to our family I'm still not ready to give up on us. I know it could be at least a year or so but who knows maybe down the road I will be able to move on as he did but as of right now I'm not ready to let go of this fight to get my family back. After he moves out I'm planning to stop all communications with H unless its about the boys. I know its going to be super hard but I will have to do it. I'll keep posting now and then I just need sometime on my own for a little while. One good thing I kinda of stop crying every night. I'm still sad and heart broken about my marriage but its time to try to let go now. Once again thank you my friend I will keep in touch as much as I can and keep you posted. I'll keep checking back once a day to see how is everyone doing and to update my situation when new things come around.

[TryingToDo180]

Glad to hear you're ok K At least you will be prepared for him moving out. I've been with my H for 21 years and one day he just upped and left. He even did it when me and my son were out for the day and then sent me a text to say he'd moved out!
You're going to feel sad for a while, but what kept me going was coming on forums and reading that there might be hope yet. That taught me not to give up on hope! When H told me he was going to see a lawyer about filing for D, I had tears streaming down my face when I came on the internet. After typing in "is there hope after divorce?", I got the response back, "yes there is!". That made me dry my eyes again and keep on going. It's that little bit of hope that's keeping me going
I think after the initial shock and upset of your H moving out, you will be able to relax a bit better It must be awful for you at the moment knowing that he is with you part of the time, but his mind is elsewhere. It will be easier to do a 180 once he leaves.
Having the boys every weekend is a bit much! Is that all weekend? When my H first left me for OW, He only ever saw my son on Sundays and never had him to stay over as he was living with the OW. I told him I wanted him to take him out on his own, which he did for a few weeks. One Sunday, he brought his son back and my son was saying the name of the OW. I said why's he saying her name? My H said he probably remembers it from before, when we went out with her and her son before the affair had started!
I later found out that she had gone along for a trip out.
Anyway all this is not helping you!
I wouldn't have your H take your children away from you every weekend, especially if that's the only time you will get to spend with them and do things with them. Most couples when separated have their children every other weekend. At least you'll be able to go out with your friends whilst he's got your kids I went out for the first time last week since he'd left and thoroughly enjoyed myself I could drink as much as I wanted and come in as late as I wanted
One thing puzzles me. You mentioned before that you don't belong to any church. You've asked us to pray for you, so you must believe in God. Why not start going to Church and surround yourself with good honest people that will support you My Church have been a great help, especially in the early days. They also run social activities and you don't have to go to church to attend these The good thing is that no-one forces you to do anything that you don't want to do. Where I live, we also have a Sunday school for the children who get told bible stories
This no contact is sometimes a good thing, but someone once mentioned to me about treating them as you would a neighbour. Tonight I wanted to ring him to tell him about a job I saw, as I know he is looking for one. Before I rang I asked myself "would I mention it to a neighbour if I knew he was looking for a job?" the answer was yes I would, so I rang him. In your sitch though, I would go fully no contact for a while whilst he gets used to his new life. If he wants space, then give him more than he needs! lol. He probably won't want to talk to you in the beginning either and it'll be upsetting for you to talk to him.
Remember as well, this is not a race, it's a marathon! If he decides to come back after a week, he's not finished with the OW yet. It took my H 8 months to finally return home and staying instead of yoyoing backwards and forwards. Believe me, that hurts more than anything!

[kelela]

I'm sorry to hear about what happened in your situation. I'm having another sad day H just came home to take shower after he got back from the gym then right after that he is gone again. In a way I can't wait for him to move out cause every time I see him it just makes me sad that he is leaving our family and solo I will be on my own with my boys. And you are roght maybe he shouldn't have them every weekend cause I know for a fact that he is not emotionally here for the boys at all. And this really breaks my heart to see him just think about himself and OW when he has two boys that would like to spend time with their dad. And he really doesn't say to much to me any more. Yes you are right I don't go to church but I do believe that there is a heavenly father that do excess. But I'm not ready to attend any church I believe that as long as I believe in the heavenly father I don't see why I need to attend a church to believe in him. And I know they he only gives you what you need u need life. I had asked many times to help.me save this marriage and I haven't got an answer back so I believe my marriage is not ment to be saved. I don't know if I can be strong anymore. I just miss H so much this is going to be the hardest thing that I have to go through and I'm not strong enough for this anymore. I just want my marriage back

[MrBond]

Then why don't you go out when he comes home?

"I had asked many times to help.me save this marriage and I haven't got an answer back so I believe my marriage is not ment to be saved."

Hogwash. One of the main reasons why you haven't been able to save your M is because you haven't been able to save YOURSELF first. And in all honesty, if you are faith filled but won't even put in the effort to go to a service, then you're not putting 100% effort into it. It's all lip service.

[kelela]

Yes you are correct I am nothing but all talk I have gone to church many many Years ago and I was taught to do this and do that which I had followed but outside of the church the ones that was telling me that I couldn't do that or this they were doing what they said we couldn't do. I don't understand why I have to attend church to believe in god. Why can't I just believe in him on my own. And yes I'm still haven't saved myself its still painful to be going through this and I know i have a lot of people on here giving me a lot of advice here and im having a hard time on letting go. I will be ending all posting for awhile until I can figure out how to safe myself. And once I do that I may return or not.

[TryingToDo180]

I agree with you Mr Bond K, not all Churches are like the one you describe. The Church I go to doesn't tell you what to do, etc. You don't have to go to Church to believe in God, but unless you read the bible daily then you won't know what God is teaching us. If you're going to Church on a regular basis, then you will get some sound teaching through the bible and the sermon.
Why don't you try a different Church and see what that one is like. I hope it's not the same as the last one you went to, as that will put you off for life!
I know you're not reading the bible else you would know that with God you have to have patience. God will fulfil your needs in his own time, which could take a while. He puts everything in order so that he will give you the best life that you can have.
It is no good giving up now, God will not want you to do that. A good book to read is called "hope for the separated" which is a Christian based book on exactly what the title says.
I don't know if you'll get to read this post as you seem to have gone off in a strop. Believe me when we say this to you that we are only trying to help. My Bond may not put it quite as gentle as I will, but the message is the same.
Remember that in God's eyes marriage is sacred and should be saved unless in extreme cases. Our WAS's have got satan on their shoulder and satan is delighted that he's managed to split up the family home. God can defeat satan time and time again and if you're patient and have faith then he'll do that for you
If you talk to anyone who's marriage has broken down, nearly all WAS's come home eventually. The problem comes when the LBS doesn't forgive them and has moved on.
If you're not going to Church, then read your bible daily and search on the internet for Christian marriage guidance. There's another site I go to which is called rejoice marriage ministries. You can get a daily email from them which gives you hope for the future. She didn't give up on their marriage, even after D. They remarried two years after their D.
Let go and let God deal with your sitch, trust that the Lord can do all this especially for you
God bless and take care of yourselves and your children