Trust is earned, as well as a decision. How well do you feel you have earned the right to ask her to make a decision to trust?
Your question of whether you can put off D and just be separated has been asked and answered, in fact in exactly the same post you reported her answer. Why would you ask again? When you know you won't get a different answer, asking repeatedly becomes offensive.
If you're looking for advice here, take what is offered as suggestions, consider them, and do what you feel is the right thing to do. Don't do anything just because a stranger on a message board told you. But it looks to me like your best course is to continue as amicably as you are with her right now, into mediation and divorce, letting her drive the timeframe.
Every time you hear something she says and argue it, like WE are controlling, you are confirming to her that she is making the right decision. You can disagree from your viewpoint, but you seem instead to try to force her to see things from your viewpoint. Have you worked on that?
Take care of yourself, give her all the space she's asking for and more, and be a wonderful dad and coparent. I think that's all you can do at this particular point in time.
What do YOU think you should do?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
