I know I'm to prone to using my mind-reading hat but... Last week, W was all attack, attack and foaming at the mouth. This week, W appears calmer and more approachable.
I have my W's cycles in my calendar but I haven't had then turned in for a while. Out of interest I checked and last week she was premenstrual and this week mid-menstrual. Is this by chance, possibly something to it or too much hat wearing?
A question, how does this help you?
That is your W's issue. You can't change her, you can't control her.
If you were in a loving R then maybe you could talk about this in a safe, respectful way.
But you aren't in that kind of R. You're getting a D. She doesn't like you right now.
Both male and female are controlled by hormones, we'd be corpses without them. You can keep your hormones in check when you interact by choosing to respond, not react due to the hormones pumped out when you feel wounded, anger kicks in and fight or flight takes over your brain. Calm the aggression brought on by your testosterone.
You and W flip from victim, to rescuer to persecutor in the blink of an eye. It's a never ending cycle until one of you decides to stop.
It reminds me of little kids in the back seat of a car "He hit me" "She was on my side of the seat" "Mom he's making faces" "She called me a bad name"
Just stop. You can do it.
The 2 of you acting and reacting in these ways will hurt your kids more than a simple, amicable D ever could.If you didn't have kids, I'd say go for it, jump in the mud and scratch and kick like he!!.
But every time you and W wound each other, you also wound your kids.
I would suggest you don't show up at her house unless you know she is expecting you to have the kids that weekend. That means you need to respectfully communicate with her about that and it would be a good idea to come up with a plan for the future so you don't need a lot of future communication. There are online calendars that allow you to do that without face-to-face.
Do you know what your bottom line is as far as D settlement goes?
I wish you good luck and hope your kids get the best of the deal.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
