Sorry you're going through these difficulties, but we are here to help! Keep posting to this thread in small increments and you'll be off moderation soon.
Originally Posted By: tbolddids
Separated in 2011, couples counseling (after W had an affair) and reunited in fall of 2011.
Can you expand on this a bit? What were the issues that drove her into an affair? How were they addressed in counseling? If those issues had to do with you, did you fall back into old patterns after reuniting?
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and suddenly this morning she walks up to me before I left for work and says... "I want a divorce, I am not in love with you any more, I love you like a family member, you are part of me, but I am not in love with you"
It seems sudden to you, but to her there are issues that have been bothering her for months or even years.
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"You have taken great care of me, been a good husband, but I want out"
Something was lacking and now you have to figure out what that was and do 180's. Try to remember any complaints she's had, any needs she said weren't being met. Try to get her to talk about it now, tell her you're committed to becoming a better person no matter what happens to the M and that you would like her to tell you what went wrong so you can improve yourself. And if she tells you, don't argue!! Don't agree/ disagree/ reason/ explain/ argue. Just validate her emotions.
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No kids has eliminated any glue that would have kept us together.
Plenty of us here are in your exact sitch and do have kids. Kids cannot glue together a crumbling marriage.
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Mind is racing, trying to cry, fighting anger... doing the "180" (it worked before). I am simply afraid to reach out to her and numb at the moment...unbelievably numb.
Hang in there! Get an IC. If you start feeling suicidal then don't mess around, go straight to a doctor to talk about treatment options. You've been through it before so you know you WILL get better!
