Blindsided

[chl0901]

Thanks, everyone for the feedback!

Awesome! Hope you feel better soon, I'm under the weather too.

I hope you feel better soon! I am feeling much better today.

Hopefully I'm not out of line, but since he was physically aroused; maybe.... with out saying anything... you could have pleasured him, with out expecting anything in return(If you know what I mean???). That would have been taking initiative as he's asked for in the past, yet not putting pressure on him to have sex with you after. Make him feel wanted and desired with out making it about you.

I'm not expert here, but that was my thought as I was reading.

I guess I could have tried that, but the thought didn't even cross my mind at the time because I kept thinking he was going to make a move since he had come into the shower with me, etc. I have not tried to initiate anything since then, but if any similar situation happens again, that may be something to try.

When your H comes home from work, are you usually home? Make sure he sees you're happy he's home. Give him a kiss, or just let him know your happy to see him; "light up" for him the same way you do when you're with your child.

Usually I am home first with S...I always say "hi" when he comes into the door, but he is usually pretty quiet. I'll have to try to "light up" more when he comes home.

You're barely 3 weeks since BD, I have a feeling that you've got a very long and very bumpy road ahead of you. I want you to be prepared for it, so let me share with you that in my sitch and many others here, the WAS actually seemed to show improvement after BD just like yours is doing. They go through the motions of "trying" to work on the M. But they almost always still end up leaving. It's believed they do this to "prove" to themselves that they "tried everything". Often it seems to the LBS that everything is fine again, the WAS seems to want to save the M and things often seem better than they have in years. That's why it's doubly shocking when one day they just up and announce they're leaving. I'm telling you this to remind you how important it is to DB even when it seems like things are fine. Because they are not fine at all, and they won't be for a long, long time.

Congrats on the weight loss and your GAL efforts, keep it up!

Thank you, AS, for the reality check. It's very confusing that H is acting "normal" and "fine" some of the time when he told me just last month that he wants to divorce me, etc. I am really sticking to eating right and exercising, because there is no motivation more than H telling me he is physically unattracted to me and wants to leave me! It's really nice to hear the positive comments, too. I am definitely going to continue to do my 180s and GALs. H hasn't said anything about them yet, but surely he has to notice some of the little changes.

AnotherStander has brought up some great points. The scenario AS listed is exactly how it played out in my situation.. so just keep an eye out for that. Just as AS stated, keep at it, and keep DB'ing and be prepared for it to take a long time.

Thanks, Hwy. It's so hard to do (I know...it's a sprint not a marathon!), but I'm going to keep working at it because I love my H and our little family and definitely want to give it my best shot to stay together and improve our marriage!