Don't understand, why now???? Plus what do I do??

[ct man 1969]

MrBond,

This is why AA never worked for me. Rooms full of smoke and an overwhelming majority of people with self-righteous indignation trying to prove how much better of a recovery they're making by bragging on how bad they used to be. Most of the men there are more concerned about the 13th step, and supplanting one addiction with another. For the most part, these people are still as miserable as they were when they were drinking, and still struggle every day with their addiction. The only difference is that they're miserable sober people as opposed to miserable drunks. It's a program based overwhelmingly on ones own fortitude and deeds. Although I'm sure this program has worked for many, many people, it wasn't the program for me. As for me, I trust my Lord God to deliver me, and he has. My God is bigger than any problem or addiction that can come before me.

I went to AA and I never left a single meeting feeling better than when I entered it. It wasn't until I found a Christian addiction program that I got the help I truly needed. I handed my addiction totally over to God, and I've yet to have a single craving. Not a one, and that's no lie. Since I began my sobriety, I've been in situations that I would have had no chance of withstanding without drinking had I continued in AA. I've learned that my addiction is my problem, and I've also learned how to become a better person, better father , and better husband.

The one and only reason I brought up Al-anon for my wife was so that she could deal with the emotions that I helped place in her heart by speaking and sharing with other spouses that went through the same thing. Maybe she might get some insight as to how to forgive. To tell you the truth, I know she doesn't owe me anything, I would just like her to forgive me some day. Not for me and not necessarily to come back to me, but so she wouldn't end up like other women I've witnessed that never forgave people and are hopelessly bitter to everyone around them and are now lonely. That would be a terrible fate for something that I did to her. I don't want what I did to her to keep her unhappy for the rest of her life. That isn't fair to her. It was never, never, ever for her to take any ownership of MY PROBLEM!!!!!!

And maybe at first I was being overly sensitive by taking what you said about her not being the problem as bashing me, but then you just proved my point when you said I wasn't being a man by not taking full responsibility. I've taken full responsibility. If I didn't, I would never have stopped drinking and tried to make things right to begin with. If I didn't, I wouldn't be concerned for my wife's future whether it's with me or without me. I have yet to blame anyone but myself!!!