I messed up a bit just a little while ago. Instead of validating, I was triggered and angry and detached.
TheEx called now (as she always does on the way home) and she was bitching about work (at the restaurant). As I might have mentioned before, anything restaurant-related is still a major trigger for me.
1) Because she hasn't quit her job since after her indiscretion. Although, I should note that apparently ONS got fired from the restaurant just before it happened.
2) As far as I know, people think she's single at the restaurant. She's not close with her co-workers, so they don't know her very well, but it rubs me the wrong way that they think she's single now. Yes, I realize she technically is...but I also find it a bit insulting. And because of her indiscretion, I have fears that she's using her job at the restaurant to "be single". She has given me full transparency since the ONS and is adamant nothing is going on with anyone, she doesn't like anyone, etc. but it's like I can't allow myself to fully trust her. I blindly trusted her the first time and I got screwed over, so I am hesitant to trust her again.
Even as she was talking, I could feel my jaw tense up and I went from listening to every single world she said, to like...every three or four words lol She was complaining about her guy co-worker (who is the owner's son) who keeps asking her to help him do social media stuff for the restaurant bc he is clueless. She was complaining that he expects her to do it, instead of doing it himself. It seems harmless, but given what has happened, I no longer trust her and the relationships she has at the restaurant. I should have just let her vent and validated her feelings more, but oh man, I was angry.
I am still working through my anger. I give so much credit to those who have the strength to deal with a partner's OM/OW. I am getting better at not saying anything when I'm triggered (which caused us to fight), but sometimes the anger has nowhere to go and I feel like that's not good too.
Anyway, she'll be home in a bit and I can calm down before she comes home. Her birthday is tomorrow so I don't want to pick a fight over something like this.
