Hi Linda, I hope you dont mind, but, I care so much about you, so I brought this over here.
I saw on Wonka's thread that you invited your h to the concert and he said no.
I'd like to see you not do that right now as he is making it clear that it isnt something he wants to do at the moment. Doesnt mean it will always be that way, just that it is now. It's important to do what works and stop what doesnt, right?
Sweetie, it is pressure and pursuing to them. I know it's hard and doesnt make sense.
That is why detaching so very important. It allows you to act without regard to his actions or reactions.
Next time, get tickets, ask a friend and just go. Live your life, sweetie.
I wrote this to someone on here. Hope it helps in some way. Take what you can from it, leave the rest, ok?
When you keep on doing the things you do, you are invalidating his feelings. You are telling him, I know the words you are saying, but they are wrong, because I want you and I want to work on the marriage. Doesn’t matter what you want or what you feel, it only matters what I feel.
I get the hanging on for fear that they will move away if you don’t. But picture someone holding onto your pants leg as you are trying to move away. You keep shaking your leg to get them off, but, they won’t go. So you shake harder and move further away, all in trying to get them off.
But when you db, you are saying, I hear you. I hear that you are saying you don’t want to be married, you don’t know how you feel, etc. I hear you.
Remember, you don’t have to agree with it, but, you do have to respect their feelings.
When you make changes it means you heard them. When you give them space - you heard them.
You also give them the opportunity to think. They arent hearing the noise of your words or the thoughts of your actions, because that is what it is to them at this point.
When they have time to think and they feel heard and they see changes, it gives the best opportunity for them to look towards you.
When you make the changes, it gives you the opportunity to become who you want to be. It gives you the chance to decide what it is you really want.
You want him to come to you because he has worked through his stuff and has realized he wants you. And because he has seen a woman with dignity and courage and strength, who gave him the greatest gift she could, cherishing him enough to let him go.
Remember worrying has no affect on the outcome, but, letting go, moving forward and making changes can.
