Don't understand, why now???? Plus what do I do??

[jp787]

HW beat me to it!

I too am like you, different abuse background, but I treated my W like sh1t.
All you can do is fix you, no one else.

I had my awakening and made some drastic changes, now I "expect" my W to see and accept those changes. I "expect" her to make her changes and then it all will be better, but guess what? It doesn't work that way. Our W's have lived many years putting their hearts and souls into making things work, trying to help us see the light to no avail. When we do, they are checked out. It [censored], trust me I kick myself every day for not waking up sooner, but that isn't how it normally works.

As LBS we choose to stand and fight, but that means that we choose a very, very difficult road. We must change ourselves and not have any expectations for our spouses. We must face our demons and do it for us and us alone. We do this all while learning empathy for what our spouses have been through and feel, without expectations. It is a choice to better ourselves and leave the road home smooth and paved. It is a difficult road to walk as we not only have to find ourselves, but we have to allow our spouses to walk their own road.

I am learning to be less selfish and more giving, it isn't easy, but it is something I want. I am the Epitomy of someone who lives in self pity, so trust me when I say don't live there.