I'm back, on my own.

[canadianMrs.]

My mind is all over the place lately. I'm not sure if its a new idea brought on by a few friends who have been asking when H & I are getting back together, or if its been something I was afraid to admit, but the last couple days I've been questioning some of my decisions with H. I also have wondered if I do want more than a friendship. Not now, but down the road.
I've seen some good things in the last couple weeks and some bad. He went out of the country and he called as he was boarding to say good-bye and he'd see me when he got back. I thought he meant the kids but he included me. He called as soon as he got home too. He has also bought the kids useful things when he has had them (clothing etc) without telling me I owe him 1/2. I heard from the kids he has stood up to his parents twice lately. Once for me. This is huge!! (His dad has a bully mentality)
He also ended it with original/reoccurring OW. He also talked to me in person and said again how amazing I have been to him in all of this, how he does value our friendship and he sees how his choices cause it to go backwards etc. He has said it in text & phone but I made the comment he is a different person via phone. He obviously "heard" me. I just listen.
However he is already onto next girl friend. I don't know how he finds them so quickly! I think this is #7. This one has 4 kids and has just began ugly divorce proceedings. Why would he want that over his own children? Why the back to back women?
Again, a couple steps forward and then a few back..I don't know what I should do with my questioning. Maybe next week I will be more settled in my choices. I do wonder if I can think of working things out in the future because I removed myself and my children from the ugliness/cruelty that was in our home when MLC came to light. Don't get me wrong, it's still been a roller coaster but the blame/anger towards me stopped. Somedays I wonder if I should have stuck it out in the same house but I wonder if I would have been more scarred. I've healed a lot and worked on myself. Yet I obviously still get pulled in emotionally when I see positive changes & hear my old H when we talk.
I do read a lot of posts here and am amazed at the strength of the people here. So many similarities but unique at the same time.