Been DB'n my butt off compared to the previous month, detaching has been a real priority for me. She's almost home, gone out of town 10 of last 14 days. So I've been staying at her house and taking care of the house and kids (a 180 for me). Cut way back on work, so that I could be there for everyone (also a 180).
The lovingly detached has been good for me. We still hardly talk, only when she calls or texts for the most part (except for kid issues). The conversations have been good, no fighting or arguing, but listening and validating (another 180). My daughter and I have grown very close over the last few weeks, and she's now constantly calling/checking on me, which I appreciate, but I've been taking that time with her to go shopping, go for breakfast/lunch or an ice cream run.
With all the 80-100 hour work weeks well behind me, im grateful for the time to reconnect with my kids. My daughter keeps telling me to "hold on" and give it "some time", and that she see's that im a totally different person that even 3 months ago. Taking the kids camping this weekend, wife asked if she could join us. I said yes, but will not hold her to it.
I think I've been doing GREAT at putting no pressure on her, and really upped my PMA around her even when im not truly feeling it. Its such a slow process to get me straightened out, much less the interactions with the W. Heading back to my IC today, my IC thinks I only need to come in every other week now, and maybe soon once a month.
Went out to dinner with what I regard as my big sister, my sister passed away 2 years ago, and she was her best friend. We all took the kids out for the evening and I had only my second drink in almost 20 years, helped take the edge off for sure.
Tips for the day, for anyone following:
Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps..........listen and validate, don't miss opportunities to 180 every chance you get, lovingly detach, but be supportive but not a doormat.
