I would be interested in peoples thoughts on this.
My thoughts are that if you and your W can come to a peaceful agreement on D then by all means do it. Solicitors will just foster bad blood between you, but if you can quietly and peacefully negotate a settlement then everyone is better off. Plus it keeps the way home paved and smooth by showing her that despite D you can still address issues with her in a calm demeanor.
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I think any conversations we may or may not have in the future are going to be two people not agreeing.
That's called "stinking thinking." If you go in thinking like that then it'll happen that way. How about saying "even though we've had trouble agreeing in the past, I really think we can change that pattern and work together in the future!" Then do your part to make THAT happen.
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Should I be pushing for any type of apology after her "sneaky snake" accusations?
If you go in thinking like that then it'll happen that way. How about saying "even though we've had trouble agreeing in the past, I really think we can change that pattern and work together in the future!" Then do your part to make THAT happen. 
