2 year A confirmed

[RosaLinda]

Hi Complicated! Thanks for posting on my thread -- I decided to check out yours. My word, you've been at this a long time. And thru so much. I give you so much credit for standing this long without help. I was about to crack when I remembered lurking on this forum a few years ago, and it has been a life saver and sanity saver for me. It may have even kept my H alive

That anger is hard to deal with, isn't it? My H went thru two angry periods, a short one, lasting 4 months, just before and after BD #1 in January 2010, and then for another couple of months the following spring. Now he just gets nasty when his Tramp pushes him, most of the time he's pretty quiet and even nice to me a lot. It hurts that he ignores me so much, and just walks past me as if I don't exist, but it's a lot better than the spewing and throwing things.

I cannot believe that OW called you and conferenced in your H. And he just sat there listening to her torment you. Well....yes, I guess I can believe it, as these OW have to be even crazier than our MLCers to get involved with them. We can remember our spouse as he or she used to be, and are standing hoping they'll come out of this fog, but holy crow, what is the OW's excuse? Except that they are crazy too! Like Cadet says, they "affair down."

How dopey and typically MLC-ish of your H to get involved with a woman people had warned him against. Whom he has even described as "pyscho" to your daughter. TVS's H knew his OW from their job before their A, and often made fun of her. My H told me that his OW is a bitch, that she only wants to get a green card, is desperate to marry ANY American man to the point where she was looking for someone she could pay to marry her, and that he thinks she would most likely divorce him in a year if they do get married, because she is looking for someone to support her, and he's too sick to work even part time right now. Thinking about these facts makes my head spin. Sort of like in "The Exorcist"!

Sorry that talking to your MIL seems to have back fired on you. I talked to my H's mom too. She was really angry with both of us when he disappeared for 2 weeks with the Russian Tramp when she came to visit New York (to try to bond their EA into something more concrete I think, and was quite successful at this). My MIL blamed ME saying that it was all my fault for letting him come home, I should have kicked him out. I just sort of took that from her, but then more recently, the 3 of us were supposed to drive out to Missouri to a family reunion (being held this week in fact) and he told her that he doesn't want to make that drive PLUS go to Moscow in a few weeks. She called me up and jumped all over me again. I didn't really go into his actions with her, but explained about MLC, and told her what my DB coach had explained to me about standing. And now, she seems to have embraced that theory. For now, anyway, he is her son afterall. But she's been my mom for 38 years.

You say that you are spiraling, but I think you're doing great Complicated!

Good Lord Forever, ""What are you worrying about that for?". "Don't even think about that, it's not helping you at all. It only puts you in a bad place and doesn't help you or your M." "Focus on the positive and make the best of each day. Don't waste your time imagining the worst." Good thing he's a dude or I'd have kissed him!". You crack me up! I guess those things are things we can all tell ourselves, since we don't have a kissable friend around to give us a pep talk.