Emotional Connection and Attraction

[BC39]

W and I just had lunch together. She wants to take the kids away this weekend, which is nice.

We got into a convo of past behaviors. We started talking about how's she's different.

W used to be much more emotional among other things. It started to change sometime after our S5 was born. My best guess is in the last 3-5 years.

I'm going to have a hard time explaining this, but she's hardened and closed off compared to the way she used to be. And I don't mean with just me, but in general... friends, family, job.

She used to cry very easily as one example. Some commercials would even get her to tear up. She was always this way. She used to make fun of herself for how often she cried. She rarely does now.

I wouldn't say she's apathetic, but apathetic is not a word that would even pop into my head if I was referring to her a few years ago.

Anyway, I know everyone changes, it was just a note a wanted to write down.

We talked about me as well. That I've never expressed my feelings and how I got that from my parents. My parents show no affection to one another, don't tell each they love each other in front us. The only time we tell each other I love might have been at my wedding. The only time my mother and I hug is if she's going on a trip. My dad hugged me once at his moms funeral. Its just always been that way.

My W used to hate that I never told her how I felt about her. At BD a year ago when I laid all my feelings for her on the line she said "if you had of said these things to me 6 months ago I would have been really taken aback". I used to tell her I loved her all the time, but I didn't show it well. I didn't elaborate. The only time I would elaborate was after a fight or put on the spot. I kind of had a "you know I love you" attitude....just like my parents.

The first time in my life I've ever written down my feelings was my first post on this board in October)

I have tried to change that since BD a year ago. It still doesn't always come naturally to me.

I apologized to her for making her feel that way in the past. I told her that I loved her with every fiber of my being and I just want her to be happy. She said "thanks for saying that".

My W and her family were always the opposite. Plenty of affection and I love you's. They're still like that.

There's a strong chance that working with my parents and I for the last decade has caused her to become more apathetic.