Whew! Catching up and it sounds like you have started to calm your thoughts a bit.
I am very excited for your trip to England. Love, love travelling and England is a great choice for a first trip overseas. I think its awesome that H will have to think of you having a great time while he is in Russia. The standards of living are no where near the same!
uR is giving you some great advice. I read some of her posts on detaching that are spot on. And if it helps you to remember, the phrase is actually "detach with love" not "lovingly detach" I am ACOA, so the phrase was drilled into us. The reason the phrase is "detach with love" is because "lovingly detach" is actually the opposite of what we should be doing. To lovingly detach implies to act lovingly which can sometimes translate into enabling, codependency or pressuring the person in crisis to act because we are trying to save them with our love. To detach with love is to let that person live by their choices and to let the natural consequences of those choices flow through. We still love them, but we do not coddle them. If they do not make it up to the bed, we leave them where they land. Our hearts hate to do it, but they must learn.
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H has told that same thing, that he wishes I could find someone who would love me like he realizes he cannot, like I deserve to be loved. This is probably just more MLC bull sh!t, part 27 of their script. I wonder who wrote that script, and it is distributed to almost every MLCer. How do they all know to follow it so well? That is just amazing to me. That they all say the exact same things.
The MLC script is so the same. Have you read the MLC for Dummies? I can't remember if it is posted on this site, but it was authored by a woman from another site. It is sooo true! And gives a light hearted look at MLC from the perspective of the MLCer. Worth a read!
