Emotional Connection and Attraction

[BC39]

Mr.Bond refers to the wall built up in your wife's heart- I think he's nailed that. Just as I told you in a previous post, your wife is in what Dr. Harley refers to as "withdrawel". Essentially, she's put a wall up that blocks all of your attempts to reach her heart.

I also believe the "wall" analogy nails it.

When you act pouty or whiny because YOUR needs aren't being met, all it does is close her heart further. Want to stand up and be a "man"? Quit whining about what you're not getting!

1. Practice patience, draw her out of withdrawel by showing that you are a safe person to express her feelings to. Put her needs first during this process, leave yours on the back burner for now. Create a new marriage together built on partnership and mutual care.

I understand.

Sorry to come off so strong here, but you are trying to fix your marriage by trying to GET from her, rather than GIVING to her. I see that in the times that you give, it's because you expect a reciprocal "get". With that attitude you will always be disappointed.

I understand. I want to give to her.

You are not on this board saying "hey folks! What else can I do to make my wife feel more understood and loved?". Instead, you complain about your wife not having sex with you. I can read your posts from my wife's perspective and can tell you with absolute certainty that she would agree with your wife's lack of desire to be intimate with you.

Again, I understand and agree. Part of this perception is my inability to express myself properly. I would do anything to help my W feel more understood and loved.

Instead of repeating yourself like a broken record here, or coming up with arguments that defend your stance, take the time to actually DIGEST what others have written here to you. I already went through all of this pain in my marriage, and came out the other side. I am only on these boards to pay it forward. I am interested in helping you succeeded in winning back your wife's heart. But it is a waste of my time if you only read what I take the time to write just to counter point it.

I'm sincerely sorry if I gave that impression. I'm eternally grateful to you and others here that take the time to try to help.

She is STILL not in love with you because you are pushing her heart into "withdrawl". Her heart is in withdrawel to keep you from repeatedly hurting it.

Could you elaborate on this for me? I want to understand what I'm doing to push her heart to withdrawl and what I'm doing to hurt her?