Emotional Connection and Attraction

[BC39]

Journal

Had a great time camping with W and kids this weekend.

W got into the shower with me this morning. I figured I'd take the uninterrupted alone time to talk to her.

(I didn't show any emotion during convo, I just tried to listen and understand)

I asked her how she'd been feeling as I've noticed she's pulled back on her affections for the last month or so.

She started by saying she's been consumed with thoughts of work (She started her own business and is still working for my family company. She does both from home. She's been very busy).

She went on to say that she's had a hard time wanting to try to be intimate with me. I asked her if she was referring to sex or affection or both. She said both.

I asked her (told her I was just trying to understand) about a few months ago when she complained she was always the one that had to initiate sex lately. During that same time she also complained that "I didn't try very hard" after I made a comment about her turning me down for S. She didn't really answer me.

I said if we keep going on day to day like this that nothing is going to change. I told her she's not just going to wake up one morning and the feelings are going to be back.

I asked her about the last year and all the affection and intimacy she's shown me up until recently.

She said she'd been "trying". (It didn't feel like "trying" most of the time to me, but it's obvious that's how she feels)

I told her I thought we should be doing MC again. She agreed to go back.

She said she's seen all the changes in me and that it's made her more frustrated that it hasn't changed the way she feels.

I asked her if anything else has changed in out sitch since last month other than work. She said no.

Afterward I took her face in my hands and said "you know I would do anything for you right?". She said she did.

I know none of this is new information, and I try to stay strong, but every time I actually hear W saying these things my heart breaks a little bit more each time.