Ok, the following is just my opinion. And I am not a counselor or anything like that. But, I think we LBS's make a mistake in being too forgiving too quickly for affairs. The WAS, if possessing of a conscious to any degree, feels really lousy about the affair. Oh, they may not show that - mine didn't. But they need to have the opportunity to make atonement - for their own peace of mind. If we make it too easy then they can't get rid of that bad feeling. And, this is two fold. If we don't receive atonement, we get to play the martyr. THAT'S a bad role to play, it does NOT enrich the individual or the marriage.
^ ^ ^ ^ THAT....is some really good stuff.
It reminds me of a parenting book I read a few years ago about how a child needs to have a clear punishment of some kind after an infraction so as to remove the guilt from his mind. After he knows he got a punishment for the deed, he can go on in life happily.
It also explains some of the recent positive turn in my sitch when I stood up and said "I'm not okay with you texting girls while we are out dates. So I'm not going out with you any more until you get rid of that behavior.". Amazingly, my H said he wouldn't any more, and he hasn't. And he seems happy that I drew the line!
Similar things related to that have happened in my sitch as well. We can't just be the doormat.
And...it relates to the book I love "why men love bitches". Not bitch in a mean way -- but a girl who stands up for herself and believes she is something special you have to work for!
You keep going mizjjd! I think you had a real insight there! And I absolutely love your sense of humor. I think H is a secret admirer of it too! rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
