Stuck between a rock and a hard place!

[MrBond]

"I regret anything I did that scared her in the past and I have learned that she is not capable of handling my emotions in a fight."

Why does she have to "handle" your emotions? You shouldn't have overreacted in the first place. If you were to learn to cope with things in a less emotional manner, then things would have been better. You started learning this, BUT your resentment is holding you back.

" I did ask her to smell my armpit because she was harassing me in my house while I was doing my own thing, trying to stay away from her and she was antagonizing me, blah blah blah."

She wasn't antagonizing you. She told you that you smelled. Big deal. Then you came back with asking her if she wanted sex. Which I have no idea how you came up with that. This is EXACTLY what you posted.

"I asked her if she wanted intimacy, she said no.

I then told her she was being passive aggressive and that if she thought I smelled bad to just tell me and to tell me to take a shower. Then I told her to smell me, put my armpit towards her and hugged her. She freaked out, punched me, kicked me, grabbed my throat. I backed off, she said she was going to call the police. I said I was going to take a shower."

I can tell you that ANY woman would have freaked out if you did that. Not just your W.

"I understand that it will take alot more time for W to recover from all of this BS."

Whose BS are you talking about? Yours from the past or hers?

"I understand that if she wants a D, she will get it."

Again, your attitude towards this isn't right. She wants a D because of all the things that happened in the past. You can't just say, well I'm going to give her what she wants. The attitude needs to change.

"I understand that I have to be happy no matter what."

You don't "have" to be happy. It's just in your best interest to "be" happy. Slight change in belief, but very important to your well being.

"W has not brought up mediation or D in the past few days, but continues to treat me like her neighbor."

That is her choice. She doesn't want to be emotionally involved with you any more.

"She still is not interested in reading any of the books I suggested she read about love."

Why are you STILL trying to control her and the situation? You say in the beginning of the post that you "know" that you can't control her, etc. BUT you still do it. One of the first things in DB is to NOT tell your spouse to read anything. Why do you keep doing it?

"It looks like she is just passing time until she gets what she wants."

Mindreading. She didn't want a relationship with you. Period. You just moved back in without discussing things with her. Nothing has been in HER control. She's trying to regain that.

"I'm not sure if she's going to move out at the end of this month and rent a 3 bedroom apt that neither of us can afford."

You don't understand. SHE just wants to get away from you which is why she wants to move out. Why don't YOU actually see if there's a place where you can move out to right now? It's bound to be cheaper. It will ease alot of the tension going on right now. Start some kind of positive actions that SHOW her you understand. STOP telling her to read things.

"Should I ask her what her plans are or should I just continue to live in limbo?"

Being in limbo is YOUR choice because you have continued to do what YOU want to do at the expense of her needs. If you really want to show her you care and understand her, you will find an affordable place (either she's going to move or you are and it seems like you moving would be cheaper) and give her the space she needs right now. That's your best alternative.