Blindsided

[Mimi00]

We got home and put S down for a nap and I got into the shower. H actually joined me (which he usually only does if he wants to get intimate), and he was "ready" physically, so I was waiting for him to make a move since he's been turning me down lately. We get out of the shower and instead of doing anything or going into the bedroom, he started to get dressed. I then asked what he was doing and he said getting dressed. I couldn't help but ask why and point at him and he said he just doesn't feel like it. I said but you look like you want to and he said that doesn't matter he doesn't feel like it and he was clearly annoyed. I had to leave the room because I started to tear up - I just don't understand this. When I went back into the room to grab my phone, he said I was really annoying him with this and it's pushing him away. I said but you felt like it last week and he said "so?" I am at a loss right now. I feel so rejected and confused. Him turning me down the other nights in bed hurt my feelings but this is a whole new level of rejection. And especially after running into OW this morning, my anxiety is at a high. Ugh.

Hopefully I'm not out of line, but since he was physically aroused; maybe.... with out saying anything... you could have pleasured him, with out expecting anything in return(If you know what I mean???). That would have been taking initiative as he's asked for in the past, yet not putting pressure on him to have sex with you after. Make him feel wanted and desired with out making it about you.

I'm not expert here, but that was my thought as I was reading.

Also I agree with the suggestions to make sure you are touching him through out the day to keep the physical contact there, if it's just touching his back when you have to walk by him; it has to seem natural of course

My H said something during the BD last month that I've been thinking about a lot. He said, "You're only happy with S." I do not think that is true, but that is obviously how he perceives it to be.

I'm not sure what else I should do at this point to show him he's appreciated and I am happy with him without coming off as pursuing or pressuring him. I am worried that backing off like I have been will just drive a bigger space in-between us. I get that if I come on too strong (like I tried a couple of weeks ago), that will push him away, but I'm also scared that me backing off so much will also push him away further. Any happy medium or ideas?

We don't have kids, but my H would always bring up how much I cuddled with my dog and how he gets the affection. I didn't catch on then, but he was crying out for attention/affection with out being straight forward and telling me what he needed.

When your H comes home from work, are you usually home? Make sure he sees you're happy he's home. Give him a kiss, or just let him know your happy to see him; "light up" for him the same way you do when you're with your child.

The 5LL book should help out a lot too, good you found that.

Great to hear the positives you've had lately.