What i have found helpful is the book, and the theories in the book. While there are a multitude of different flavors here of both marital problems and approaches to solving them, the common denominator is that most or all of us felt the divorcebusting ideas were a solid healthy approach. Where someone differs a lot from that approach -here - might warrant taking them with a grain of salt. Or, they could write their own book and start a successful web forum...
Always remember there are no guarantees, never were, no matter what approach you try. No one knows what will work, for sure, but a lot of us know from personal experience and hundreds of stories here, what will not work. Imo operating from a fear of being divorced will not work. You have to lose that fear, it will inhibit your ability to know and do what is the right thing to do. Out of fear, i think, you are desperate to know what to say and do, and it feels unnatural and forced, because it doesnt come from a place of confidence within you, that you have done your work, you know what is right for you, and let the chips fall where they may.
Before you get your w back, youve got work to do on you, and you cant expect your w to wait for that with no guarantees. You just need to get started and fix your own issues, yesterday.
Are you getting counseling? Why are you making excuses even now for the behavior that frightened your w? Its ok to understand why, and even forgive yourself, but if you think it was acceptable due to the circumstances, or if you think you will be able to do better in the future without any outside serious help, then im not sure how you could put yourself in her shoes and see a future with you as a viable option. What are you doing about that?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
