Surviving Separation

[slow_it_down]

Thanks for reply BKS.

In my case, I am cycling now. Some days/weeks I feel great about my detachment then something happens between me and my W and I start to down cycle. I think understanding that I am cycling helps me to deal with the down cycles.

I think this part is especially poignant. Being able to recognize a down cycle as just that, a cycle, is a very powerful position. Rather than feeling hopeless like I won't recover to feel fine again, its good to remind myself that a better day is often one good night of rest away.

So, this weekend was interesting. I keep thinking I'm finally at a point where me and my H should have no reason to communicate for a while so that I can get a break to detach. Yet in the past few days things seem to keep coming up. This Saturday at 11:30pm my H emailed to say he saw me, my children and my mom at an event about an hour from both of our homes. The chances of us both being there were 1 in a million. His email stated that he saw us, wasn't sure if I saw him and that he didn't say hi since he wasn't sure if he should with the kids around.

I'm going to assume he was there with his OW and so I was actually relieved that I didn't run into him and that it didn't impact the wonderful evening I spent with my family.

I found it odd that he felt like he had to email to say he saw me. He didn't outright apologize for not saying hello, but it was odd that he almost seemed to have some guilt toward explaining himself like he owed me an explanation had I actually noticed he was there and didn't want me to be upset with him for not saying hello.

I also found it odd that he went home and emailed me the minute he walked in the door from being at the event. It was a good reminder that I don't need to let me mind run away with what I think he's doing these days because I keep thinking that by now he's practically living with this OW (despite having 0 clue to how much or how little they see each other). Clearly she wasn't still over at his place if he's sending emails out at that hour.

Lastly, I felt in a way this situation made me feel stronger. On the one hand it felt great having no desire or reflex to respond to his email and was ok just letting it be. On the other hand here I was out with my kids and mom, looking great, smiling having a good time and really enjoying myself with him looking on. I thanked God for giving me the opportunity to unknowingly give my H a huge chance to see what he's missing. If seeing his pregnant wife walking around enjoying life with her awesome kids after not seeing us after 2 months didn't give him a twinge of regret - than we really are better off on our own with him doing his own thing.

Now its 'back to the trenches' of not contacting him and seeing where things go. I have a fun trip planned mid week and look forward to getting out of town and away from all the things that send my mind back to my relationship.