I feel somewhat lost. I have logistical things to take care of and I'm clear on that, but I'm not sure of the rest. My M is over and has been for a long time now, but I feel strongly that I don't want to be too far away in my heart. I have had several visions of my family, all four of us, that I don't want to let go of. I don't have hope exactly, maybe a strong bond that I'm not ready to sever.
Xh is such a mess. He needs help. He's hurt me terribly and continues to make bad choices, but I know his heart, who he really is. I remember the man who held his mom as she died and bravely delivered a heart-felt eulogy at her funeral. I remember the dad who used to kiss his sons goodbye in the morning and say "I love you" long last the time many dads had stopped being so openly affectionate with their teens. What happened to that man? Deep addiction, MLC or both? After all of this time I'm still trying to figure it all out.
