Guess I belong here now...

[sweetbabyred]

Dawn, I'm going to try to answer your questions, without being too long winded, if that's possible.

Before, XH had said that he needed a D because it didn't give the other women he was dating a fair chance because he'd compare them to me and they didn't have a shot.

Hmm, women willing to date a married man aren't that great? Surprises me!

In the last few months, he'd said he needed a D because he had to work out his own issues and it wasn't fair to ask me to wait because he didn't know if he'd ever want to work on us.

I'd told him that if he was done and didn't want to try, then I didn't want him to waste my time any more. He didn't like that, but I'd had enough of him trying out the single life while still being able to call on me when he wanted. I feel that any of his issues could be treated while staying married, but he disagreed.

To me, M meant that I was always there to support my H. He might make some stupid choices, but as long as he was my H, I was going to uphold my vows and be there, for better or for worse.

Now that we have a D, I can choose whether to keep H in my life and how much to accept. I can hold him to the same boundaries as all of my other friends. I don't have to answer him when he texts at midnight or answer all of his calls.

His future is no longer tied to mine.

If he wants to R, it will be on him. XH thinks that everything will still be the same. That the way I treated him was just as a friend, and not as a wife would.

The other day I was at his apt to see my SS and mentioned that I was on a dating site (one I knew about because he'd been on it a few weeks before we were divorced). He seemed shocked that I was and said he thought I planned to be single for awhile.

I told him that I wasn't going to rush into a relationship, but I wanted to see what my options were. He'd said something, and I said "good thing I'm not trying to date you then, " and his response was "you're not going to try to?".

He thought that I'd go chasing after him. I told him that the next guy I dated, him or someone else, would have to be the one chasing after me. I want someone who wants to be with me and will show me that.

I guess he thought I'd keep pining away after him, but I told him I didn't date before because I was still married, but now I'm not and I'm free to do so.

He's really confused because he'll make statements about us dating again in the future and then saying why we'd never work.

I want a family of my own, so I can't hide in my apartment forever. I need to be brave enough to see what's out there.

And if XH comes to his senses, and decides to work on us, and him? We'll see how I feel then.