Stuck between a rock and a hard place!

[MrBond]

You're doing it AGAIN. You constantly downplay your role to your M's downfall and focus on what YOU thought was best.

"Well, when she wrote "I have spent over ten years doing the work." from her last letter. I feel like she hasn't really done any work on our relationship and our communication problems."

"I" feel? You mean hat her efforts aren't good enough for your expectations.

"She responded by telling me all the ways she acted lovingly towards me in the past. That wasn't what I meant, and it seems like she doesn't understand that WE need to do work on our R TOGETHER. Her acts of love or my acts of love in the past were not enough to stop us from getting here."

It was your expectations of her actions that you felt weren't enough for you or expressed in a way that YOU understood. You still don't try to understand how she expresses herself.

"I just get confused because the DB method really doesn't seem authentic to me. If I were always to take the DB route, I would be acting and not being who I'am, even the better me."

That is why you fail. It IS authentic and anyway I don't think you really understand what DB is. If you have a problem with it making you a better you, then you are the problem, not DB.

"I know I need to focus on me, not W. BUT, I don't understand how she's gonna change her perception unless she tries and she's not trying..."

Seriously? You're STILL thinking that? You acted like a full psycho on her. Why would she want to try? You keep insisting that she should try. Why? Right now you're not worth it to her.

"Therefore, no matter what I do, she's gonna block it. I'm frustrated and desperate because I'm focusing on her too much!"

That's for sure. You haven't focused on making you better.

"When time goes by and I leave her alone and focus on me, eventually she lashes out at me in anger because I'm not "listening to her", or "I'm in denial" because I'm not signing the D papers she served me with last February."

Don't put the blame back on her. You got yourself to this point and I pointed out time and time again that you weren't "listening to her". It's not just her.

"I feel the only way to do that would be to move far away from her and I can't do that because I will not abandon my kids."

You said it was a money issue. It's not your W's problem. That's your problem. You just moved in without telling her.

"My response to that is that my W does not say this or act this way anymore and I have not given her a reason to feel this way in many months now."

Now you're just in denial. She wrote that in the letter to you just last week. So your "response" to me is wrong.

"She kept saying I was emotionally unstable when I was just reacting like any normal human being who is being treated un lovingly by their S."

Sticking your armpit into her face isn't "normal".

"I know "if we love someone, we must set them free." I struggle with this because I also know that the freedom she perceives is on the other side is a mirage. Freedom is internal. It's our own perception.
I know it's not for me to teach her that or to tell her that."

I can't believe this is what you actually think. She's not leaving you because you are a "catch". She's leaving you because she doesn't feel safe around you. She feels like you're a ticking time bomb that's going to go off at any minute. It's not a "mirage" life she wants. She just doesn't want a life where she has to constantly walk on egg shells.