Hanging out, down the street

[JustStunned]

Thank You.
My thank you is heartfelt and sincere.
I have said thank you so many times to so many people over the past month I fear I sound mechanical and text does not convey emotion well.

The gamut of emotions continues. Mostly I’m good, much better than when X left.

I am not able to complete a eulogy for her. My emotions are too raw still. She was an anchor, a calm harbor and an inspiration during some of my worst emotive times. This is a void now. Yet I do not feel the sense of loss and identity like before.

I have privately speculated what my life would be like if I had been able to respect X wishes for a DNR on our relationship. To just accept that this is what she wished and not interfere from the moment she decided to leave our world.

My father was on only child and mom was the last surviving child. My sister and I remain. There is a sense of leadership here. Perhaps that is not the right word. I feel more so than before a responsibility to demonstrate an example to my children and those around me how to go forward.

As I have examples I hope to be an example. What would Chesty do? What would Chamberlain do? What would mom and dad do? These are not so much a standard to compare against as an example to gain ideas from. Time will tell and how well I do will be demonstrated by my children and perhaps grandchildren.

This is a chapter close much like my divorce was and like my divorce there are aspects remaining to settle. I just received the court paperwork appointing me executor. I have not looked at those yet. I understand there is a timeline and steps to follow. Those should be spelled out and my sister and I engaged an attorney specializing in estate law. There could easily be years of effort if I allow myself to dally.

Time for me to return to that work and complete a few more tasks.