Stuck between a rock and a hard place!

[dorightman]

Do you sometimes think you have a difficult time calming your mind? Does it seem to move constantly from thought to thought to thought, and you have no control over it?

labug, thank you for your response. I'am and have been confused for some time now. I have been trying my best to do the "right" thing for approx. 5 months now.(after my emotions calmed down), I know it's not long enough considering the damage I did over the past 10 years according to my W. I just get confused because the DB method really doesn't seem authentic to me. If I were always to take the DB route, I would be acting and not being who I'am, even the better me.

I know I need to focus on me, not W. BUT, I don't understand how she's gonna change her perception unless she tries and she's not trying...
Therefore, no matter what I do, she's gonna block it. I'm frustrated and desperate because I'm focusing on her too much!

When time goes by and I leave her alone and focus on me, eventually she lashes out at me in anger because I'm not "listening to her", or "I'm in denial" because I'm not signing the D papers she served me with last February.

The coldness, lack of empathy, judgements, anger, distancing ,depression all effect me because I have not been able to truly detach. I feel the only way to do that would be to move far away from her and I can't do that because I will not abandon my kids.

I know Bond keeps saying that because I have not addressed my W's stated feelings of not feeling safe around me, nothing will change.
My response to that is that my W does not say this or act this way anymore and I have not given her a reason to feel this way in many months now. She has even said that she see's change in me, that I have softened.

Thank you for your great advice and encouraging thoughts!