B, my xh blames me for everything, too. When I was in a shattered state he had me convinced that it was true. I now believe he was one of the luckiest men in the world. He had it all and walked away for a fantasy.
It's interesting that wrongdoers feel the need to blame, convince others that they are right and justified. They gather allies. That what all of these MLCers do. They keep creating excuses and stories.
B, don't buy into any of it. It's all self-serving. My xh also left feeling confused, searching for "peace and happiness." That quickly changed.
I understand feeling reclusive. I have spent time with very few friends since BD. My friends all live the life I had. They are SAHMs who put their families first. My only free time is evenings and weekends. That's family time for them. I have zero interest going out and meeting singles. I am still very much a family person and want to be home with my kids. I enjoy doing things with them and they like the activities and day trips that I plan. Once my financial picture improves we will start traveling again.
I understand being confused by your h. He's too hard to figure out so let him be and focus on you and the boys. Think about it, B. you can now become the fantasy. OW stupidly moved in with your h so now she has to do all of the hard work - cooking, cleaning, child-rearing. She also has to keep herself up and please your h. If she doesn't she'll fear losing him. You, on the other hand, have once less person to care for which means more time for yourself. When you do see your h look your best. Breath new life into your home, creating a soul nourishing space for you and the boys. Create a refuge. Your H will be living in chaos in due time. OW doesn't have a clue.
B, you have started your growth, you are armed with information and insight and you have supportive friends here. You have the upperhand. Try to see yourself differently. No longer settle for being the LBS. You are so much more than that. You are not your H's choices. Elevate yourself. You, my friend, are the prize.
