So, while I intend to solely focus on my life going forward, I am processing the new information regarding xh and OW. I had always suspected that she was a co-worker. Xh started hanging around a young crowd from work a year or so before BD.
OW is likely the typical MLC A partner, needy, low-self esteem. Based on what xh always told me about the people, mostly young women, in her position she came to the US looking for a better life and likely sends money back home. She's very quiet and subservient. She treats xh like a god. She likely has a gambling addiction like he does. Of course, none of this could be true, but it's likely.
How long will it take for this to run it's course? I know that's the answer so many of us want to know. In my case, I don't have any hope of a new R with xh. What I want is for him to start figuring himself out and not be enabled by OW.
Things may take a turn when the boys start counseling. It will be required that xh meet with his own therapist. His gambling has already been identified, by him, but I don't know in what context. He will no longer be able to blame me if he wants a R with the boys. This therapist is known for protecting kids so xh is going to have work to do. In a perfect world he will finally start addressing his childhood issues and heal himself while developing a new and better R with the boys. What he will learn will be in stark contrast to his current life. He'll be at a crossroads with his job, friends and OW.
I'm not sure what my role is in all of this. I don't want to be the hated xw, though I guess that's not my choice. I will be supportive of the boys' therapy and the new R that I hope will be built. I will allow xh to see the boys whenever they decide they want to. I don't need a schedule as long as he's respectful of me. Right now I draw the line with OW. I hope this doesn't become an issue.
This will be hard, but it's the right direction to go in. It's the first step to building a bridge. Once we're all on the same side there will be peace.
