Am I ready for this?

[Mtnman]

Thanks FY! I'll try to remember that. Haha, I'm terrible at this.

[reachingHigher]

Hey Mm, don't be so hard on yourself! I've messed up too many times to count! What I hear her saying, especially on the heels of her feeling unloved, is "space, space".

[Mtnman]

My boys are back, but gone again. Haha. They were home before me as I had to take equipment back to a cousin after church. When I got here w was vacuuming and doing laundry. My youngest ran and jumped in my arms. It was so nice. Oldest played it cool. We ate supper and then went out to throw football. I had to move Ws car and her cellphone was in it. She went two hours without her cellphone! And no, I didn't touch it.

It was so nice to throw with them. Had a blast! W even came out and watched. She cracked on my socks. I grabbed an old pair that comes above my ankle, while I normally wear those that don't come above the shoe. I had already made fun of myself to the boys. But, it was nice of her to comment. After an hour they wanted to ride dirt bikes down the road to see friends.

She didnt mention anything about the mulch, pressure washing or pruning. Hmmm. Oh well.

[reachingHigher]

Mtnman, that sounds like a very nice homecoming for W and kids. I would think her mind is spinning with the lack of support she got at her family's house so she couldn't notice what you did around the house. But I'm sure she appreciates it!

My H and I had a discussion the other day since I always tease him he doesn't notice home furnishings or flowers or things like that. We were discussing the baseboards for an upstairs bedroom and I said I couldn't think of what the baseboards downstairs looked like. He was shocked and said they cost a lot and took a lot of time to install properly. We just looked at each other and laughed!

I'm glad W seemed casual and relaxed with you. She knows you love her even if she's not ready to move back home yet -- physically or emotionally.

[Mtnman]

I think so too rH. The boys asked to stay with her again tonight. She agreed and so did I. I miss them, and it may be for show, but they are reconnecting. I see it as a plus.

[BklynMom]

That is great that the boys are reconnecting with her and that you are supportive of that.

I know modern thinking is that the WAS is only leaving the other spouse but the truth is that the kids feel abandoned as well. It is fantastic that she is making the effort to reconnect with them

[Mtnman]

I see that Bklyn. They question if she will be home, or tell them good night, etc. They don't question me. I hope they are reconnecting. I really do.

[reachingHigher]

I see that as really positive, Mtnman. W may see the contrast between her brothers and mom pushing her away and not being supportive---contrasted with you and the boys both loving her fully. She just has to be brave enough to accept it.

I know last fall as we pursued D I started to push H and my boys into spending time together. That was from advice here on the forum to show him what it would be like being D.

H told me later that it wasn't "the same" without me around. I had the feeling he enjoyed the time so much more with us all together. He had to contrast that with the thought of what he would be gaining (independence from M) and if it would be worth it. They have to make the choice.

You being the loving, supportive H (although you can't say it, you can show it in a lot of ways) and the boys loving their mom, is a powerful draw for her I would think. Especially for a mom and the boys being so young. She must want to show them the kind of love her dad showed her. There is some pain in her heart that must be resolved also. I believe she will get there.

Just keep being strong. A wonderful H, father and provider. Who wouldn't want that? You're doing great!

rH

[Mtnman]

Thanks rH! So I have a question but need to do a little recap first. A week ago w sent me the email about how it was over, we would share 50/50 with the boys, take every other weekend, she was contacting her attorney, I wasn't welcome on the trip this past weekend, etc, etc.

Since then there has been no other mention of attorney stuff, and she has been asking if its ok for her to go to the store, shopping, etc. Well, last night she says her best friend and children are coming in for the weekend. Best friend wants to go to the local fair this weekend with all the kids. W says I'm welcome to go. Now, this is supposed to be "my weekend" based on her new wishes. I had considered taking the boys camping. Should I tell her the boys will be with me and I'm not sure if we will be going to the fair, or if we do W isn't invited? How much should I push back to let her see how inconsistent this is with her previously stated wishes?

Keep in mind, I recognize that I would be doing it purely to be an a$$. I'm just trying to show her what D means.

[ForeverYoung]

I'm not surprised there's been no more mention of attorneys or D. Look how many of our sitches roll on with no movement towards dissolving the M. MLC'ers really seem to not know what they want.

Which outing would you rather do? How about the boys? If you guys decide camping that's fine. Thank W for the invite and explain that you all were looking forward to your camping trip.

I'd advise against trying to teach her a lesson with this. If she's drawing towards you and the boys then I'd be inclined to go with it, if you think it will be fun being together. I'm interested to hear what other DB'ers say about this.