Thanks MIz, no sage but you stopped by, that's something! Thanks!

H left me a message:

I fine...don't worry about me, I am outside enjoying a beautiful day alone, why does the sky have to be ruined by F-ing airplanes. I'm alone, God is my witness, I'm not doing anything against the family or you, I know I say things like, I don't care, but it's my way of trying to justify and not feel the guilt of my actions.

I don't know how to handle life anymore since the loss of all I worked for, I need to be free, I'm not really free but it feels free at the park right now. Take the family and have fun, direct them away from following me, I went on a different path, you guys are not to follow.

I know I'm doing wrong, I'm trying to go off on my own, separate myself from you, but really I'm trying to separate from me. I serve no purpose in this life. I know you don't have a partner now, your alone alot, I'm alone too, I'm not seeking fun, I know I will have alot to answer to HIM.

When you speak to me, your sweet and nice and I know you L me, want me around and I can't take that, I can't handle the guilt of not giving you that, it zaps me and that's why I drop out of life at times, I wish I could clone myself and give you back your H.

Your still my family, nothing much has really change, has it, I'm still me....I'm just angry, the family we built is there! You enjoy it, you did do what I expected of you, you made a home, and your still doing it, just don't include me in that anymore.

I'm not ready to come home just yet, tho it is getting dark, I just may, I know your not going to scream and shout, but the guilt is already welling up in me, I have to go, (eeekk sounding squeal as if he's cringing at the fact) I need to stop talking, this is not what I want to feel right now, ok, I know you guys have a house, food, $$, and that helps me be able to disappear and not worry. END

For a min I thought this was a suicide message...it's not. Just H's honesty and my reality.

The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!