It seems he has a pattern of running from what he deems negativity, instead of pushing through or dealing with it and going on a search for "happiness".
The purpose of marriage is not "happiness", happiness is just one of the many benefits. Happiness needs to be inside you, regardless of your surroundings and who is in your life.
He says when he's done with something, he's done. Nothing will change his mind.
My wife has said all this. All I can tell you right now is yes he is done forever, right now.
Doesn't mean he's done forever in 2 months time.
If he did come back around to wanting me, even in 2 months time.... I don't know how I'd feel about that. This has all been really hurtful, to so seemingly easily kick me out of his life plan. I would have never done this to him
Yes I've been confused, hurt, lost, defeated etc... in our marriage. But I never out my happiness/unhappiness in his hands. That was always up to me. For him to make me the cause of his unhappiness is not fair.
So if months pass and he does have a change of heart. I don't know if I'd want to give him a second change, or trust him to not try to leave again. Am I wrong for this?
I send him one text yesterday because an important document came in the mail and I wanted to let him know I was sending it to him (to a po box) so he'd know to look out for it.
He said "okay...thank you"
This morning his sent me a text "Good morning, I hope things are going okay for you? I'm in the same apartment as before"
an hour later I said
"Hey. Yeah, things have been interesting. I'm at work, so it should be a peaceful day. That's good you're back in your old apartment, don't have to transition yet"
He said
"Yeah, I know"
I then asked if he'd been back to work yet and let him know I got paid a small amount, I used some for gas but there's some left in the joint account if he needed groceries etc... (he went back with not much money and hadn't worked in 3 weeks because he was here, he won't get paid for another 2 weeks.)
He said
"Thanks, yea I stayed and worked the day after I returned and took call. My shower curtain was still hanging up and the rug for the bathroom"
(I bought him the rug and tried to spruce up the place a little bit the one time I visited)
I said
"That's good. Let me know if there's anything you need from the storage here that would be helpful to have or whatever"
(when he left to visit me 3 weeks ago, he was supposed to go to a new location, not back to the same place.... so he go rid of pots and pans etc... b/c it was too much to take on a plane. Now that he's back in the same place he doesn't have the stuff he got rid of and all of our stuff is in storage, but he says I can have it all, he wants nothing. There are pots and pans etc... I could easily send to him though. So I was just trying to be friendly.)
He said
"Okay, thank you"
I didn't text anything back.
Am I being too nice? I really don't know how to be with him, except be his "wife" *sigh*
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
