One month down, zero casualties

[Raine]

Oh my holy...I almost broke. I almost just completely broke.

So great that my last posts states its been several weeks without an accident. So of course it will happened today right? I told H I need to get some stuff from the store tonight since his friends are coming over. He says he doesn't want to go with. I say that's great and tell him I'll go in an hour. He comes upstairs an hour later and says he'll go. I said I'm all ready I can come with and he says no no, he can so we don't need to deal with the kids. Big red flag. I take all the kids to the store with me alone. They're always great. So yup 15 min visit to ow1. I'm so annoyed. And the thought that pops in my head is don't be here when he gets home. I pack the kids in the car and take off. No way is he coming home to a waiting wife. I go and grab movies with the kids so it looks normal. I read wonka's post and think yeah, you better believe it. That is so how I feel. It's funny cause its true!

So H gets home. He calls. I ignore. He calls again a few mins later and he is in a panic. "Where are you?! Why didn't you text? I thought you were here and I pull up and you're gone." I just said sorry I went to grab movies. I'm coming down the street now. He said its okay but he was panicy still. I cant remember exactly what he said. I was caught off by how panicy he was. Get home and he comes right out. He would have been home about 10 mins based on the calls. He won't look at me. He helps the kids in and brings stuff in from his car. He has been home the whole time and hasn't done that yet. He won't look at me. He then goes and sits on the couch to watch TV. Normally he'd try and help me get food ready. I tell him sorry I upset him and he stiffens up and says its fine. Not a big deal.

So here it is. I went to the bathroom and saw my phone had a voicemail. It was h from the first time he called. The phone must have been in his pocket or not near him, because it was muffled a lot. He didn't hang up and thought he had. He is hysterically crying. All I hear is the f word over and over. It goes on for a minute and then drops.

He needed that. Whatever the reason is I felt to leave, he needs to know that reality is coming if he can't pull it together.