During the 12 years you were together, how many of those years were you unemployed? Did she have some source of income at the time?

You mentioned her son. Do you have children by a previous M?

Did she voice any complaints about you, other than the unemployment issue? Maybe something as long as a year ago.

How did her family feel about her M you?

Lots of questions, but would help give us a better picture.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!