I saw your posts on a few threads, your sound very sad, sorry to hear your pain in your writing.
When you say H left, your not D? Do you have kids...if so how old? Can I ask how old you are?
Mine would love to leave if he thought he could come back and forth, I said no way for a long time, and my S22 would not take his return well. These days I say whatever go away, oh, too late, now he doesn't want to go, I never thought he did, just MLC vomit.
It's great that your trying to live in the now...I think the Dali Lama said the same thing!
Have a great day, I too am home alot, kids are all adults, it [censored], it's my time and H is on the mothership exploring the galaxy!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
