Need help applying DR (super long newcomer story)

[SM34]

Gabbysmom, I wasnt trying to be right. I said numerous times im not an expert. I stated before my theory, that it is my opinion and many will disagree....and that is fine.

There is a difference between wanting to be right, and wanting to be understood. I was simply explaining my opinion and using examples to illustrate.

You seem to always have the same view of my opinion. Perhaps you need to be right?

Again, im not claiming to be an expert. And these are.only my opinions. And they are not counter to DB principles. I just feel there is more to why we fall in love than just what we say or think we need.

Consider this (opinion if mine). If we all knew exactly what needs we need met, and we chose our spouse, why are divorce rates on the rise?

I mean you could argue that your spouse stops meeting those needs and that probably has a lot if truth to it.

But you might also see that sometimes what we think we need and what we actually need are two different things. Not to mention the ever changing order of what needs are most important to us (both men and women) depending on the stage of life we are in....

My OPINION is that what holds marriages and families together for decades, or even a lifetime, are much more fundamental requirements that are innate in us as humans (even evident in animals).

It is not sexist or condescending in my opinion. The 'requirements' or basic characteristics if a good husband are universal to all walks of life...ability to provide for family needs, ability to.protect ones family, ability to navigate the family through tough times.

These things might sound sexist because you feel it reduces women to a being that doesnt truely know what they need. But the reason it is not sexist theory in my opinion, is that the same holds true for men....

We THINK it is important to us that our women are sexy, in shape, and pretty much a 'trophy' ad thet say. But many models and very attractive women are divorced every year and left for a woman much less attractive.

This goes back to the fundamental laws if nature in my opinion. Men dont realize that they actually need their woman to show them respect, to pump their ego up, to be a good mother to their kids, to be supportive if their dreams and aspirations.

In my opinion it is the feminist movement that made modern society view basic laws.of nature as sexist. There was n consideration given that the same holds true for men, and that we are held to a certain fundamental attractiveness yardstick so to speak.

You can go with the 30 or 40 year old view that a man who helps out around the house is an attractive husband, and I would agree that if he has all the fundamentals covered, helping out around the.house is icing on the cake.

But is my opinion that we cannot forget traits that have been important to each of the sexes since the start of time. These traits have.not had enough time to eveolve out of our existence! A man who is strong and can provide and protect etc... Will always be attractive to women just as a curvy woman with child bearing hips will always be atfractive to men, regardless of what modern day society tells us we shoul need. A man who is missing the.fundamentals but helps around the house will still be as unattractive a spouse as a woman who is really thin but a horrible mother or doesnt support her mans abilities.

Calll it sexist or whatever you want, but it is in my.opinion, that this is just the fundamental laws of mate choosing.

Yes variations in what women like in a man do exist, as they do in men. But I think often times these differences we place emphasis on are driven by societal pressures and at the root of our conscience we are still governed by basic laws of nature.

These are my opinions from my readings. I am not a pro at saving relationships and many of you know a whole.lot more about that than.i.do! This is just an observation I, and many others, have made from looking at the.couples who are supposedly happy as well as analyzing why we choose the person we chose to be our spouse. And how sometimes even though.they are not meeting ANY of our needs as the BS, our WAW is still attractive to us. In some ways even more than before! They have exhibited strength and the desire to get what they want out of life and that is attractive even if we dont agree with how they are going about it.

I guesz what I am trying to say in simple terms, is that what we find attractive.in someone is very complicated and so doing the dishes although it may add to someones attractiveness, they must first have fundamentals covered. No amount of.housework will make up for lacking in the naturally occuring requirements of the opposite sex.

You are free to disagree. But im trying to help a.fellow man understand how or why his wife doesnt seem to be as interested in him as she once was. I believe that is part of DB...to figure out what you need to change about yourself.