I agree that your warning sirens should be going off with this guy spending time with your W and kids, even if outside the home. That could definitely be confusing for your D's at their ages of 4 and 3. You don't need to explain any of this to your W, but it usually starts out as "just friends" and escalates from there, especially with the OM admitting he has feelings for your W. THAT IS NOT OKAY. Know that your feelings are completely valid.
However, I really don't know what the best DB'ing advice in this situation is. Previously I did pounce on that guy being in your house because it was a glaring and giant NO WAY IN HELL thing that you needed to handle immediately, as a man. (I couldn't even believe it went on as long as it did.)
Best of luck to you. I'll keep up with you and hopefully smarter people than I will come along with suggestions for you. When they do, listen to them.
Did you offer to go to the movies in OM's stead?
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
