BC39, Mr.Bond refers to the wall built up in your wife's heart- I think he's nailed that. Just as I told you in a previous post, your wife is in what Dr. Harley refers to as "withdrawel". Essentially, she's put a wall up that blocks all of your attempts to reach her heart. When you act pouty or whiny because YOUR needs aren't being met, all it does is close her heart further. Want to stand up and be a "man"? Quit whining about what you're not getting! There are only two ways to get what you want:
1. Practice patience, draw her out of withdrawel by showing that you are a safe person to express her feelings to. Put her needs first during this process, leave yours on the back burner for now. Create a new marriage together built on partnership and mutual care.
Or
2. Divorce her and find someone new.
Sorry to come off so strong here, but you are trying to fix your marriage by trying to GET from her, rather than GIVING to her. I see that in the times that you give, it's because you expect a reciprocal "get". With that attitude you will always be disappointed.
You are not on this board saying "hey folks! What else can I do to make my wife feel more understood and loved?". Instead, you complain about your wife not having sex with you. I can read your posts from my wife's perspective and can tell you with absolute certainty that she would agree with your wife's lack of desire to be intimate with you.
Instead of repeating yourself like a broken record here, or coming up with arguments that defend your stance, take the time to actually DIGEST what others have written here to you. I already went through all of this pain in my marriage, and came out the other side. I am only on these boards to pay it forward. I am interested in helping you succeeded in winning back your wife's heart. But it is a waste of my time if you only read what I take the time to write just to counter point it.
It's very simple- your wife is not attracted to you. She is not attracted to you because she is not in love with you. She is STILL not in love with you because you are pushing her heart into "withdrawl". Her heart is in withdrawel to keep you from repeatedly hurting it. Read about it. UNDERSTAND IT. Trust me, it makes the world so much clearer. If you stay in this stalemate with both you and your wife trying to get your own needs met first, you will end up in divorce court. She, or both of you, will lose hope.
I apologize for the tone of my email- but it is frustrating to watch you spin your wheels in the mud when the dry road is so close. If you keep spinning them, your going to dig yourself into a hole that you won't be able to get out of.
