Well, there was a serious lack of intimacy between us. Somewhere somehow it seemed to just become lost between us. I have struggled for the past two years in getting employment. Having travelled distances for interviews etc. finances became an issue and many times she aked me to get anything for work but I kept saying I had to go for the job needed to support us so she wouldnt have to work. I guess the simpilest way to explain our M is that I created most of the problems and I have no problem accepting this. As things became worse I became more and more unresponsive to what she was saying and asking me to do. I became so wrapped up in how things were not working out that I became very negative. I know in my heart now this affected her dearly. Even though we were still doing little things for each other like cooking and me serving her dinners on a tray, getting her what she needed, watching tv together and even talking but not the intimate kind of discussions it certainly wasn't she was wanting. As I think about things now there were several times she almost seemed like she was pleading with me to do certain things that sadly I ignored. And this is where I am now, deeply concerned that the way she is not willing to speak to me and the way she left without telling me anything until after she was gone leads me to believe one of two things. One, that she has completely given up on us and just plans on proceeding forward towards a D. Or two, that as I believe she still cares about me BUT, does not want to hurt me further by telling me she is planning to D. She knows how much I feel about her. Unfortunately, I did not show her this for the past few years like I should of and I own up to this now fully. As I mentioned in my previous posts for the past almost 10 weeks now our contact is limited to emails and almost always have to be initiated by me. If she iniates a contact it's because of something she needed and all her emails are 1 or 2 lines. She has not used the word DIVORCE yet but then again she hasn't said much of anything. She is now living in a Condo her son rented for her and even has a part time job. She has not told me about her own place her daughter had told me about it a couple of weeks ago.Her most recent contact with me was a couple of days ago responding to my email telling her that I sent some of her mail for her and that I was hoping she is doing well. She responded by thanking me and to let me know she had put in a change of address. She also informed that she was sending me a small box of pictures she found and closed by saying "I hope your doing well also!" I'm just trying to see how I can get her talking whether I like what she might tell me or not. She simpley isn't wanting to say much to me. Like so many others here that have admitted they part in what has happened I am lost as to what to do now. If this goes on how long can it go before all is lost? or is all lost right now? I am working on GAL and I will say I haven't really done the begging pleading thing because of this lack of contact from her. Maybe she figures I would go into the begging pleading mode and even after 10 weeks she doesn't want to hear or face this. I know I wont beg and plead but I do have thoughts I would like to tell her accepting the blame and letting her know I understand now the hurt and pain I put her through. Again, we never fought, never any physical abuse and now as I recall she stated this a while back when she was telling me about a phone converstaion she had with her son. How I was not physical and that I was a good person. Anyways, this is a difficult situation to try and get to the bottom of.
Thanks for looking at my posts DRMOD....I look forward to anything you or anyone else might have to say....
