Linda and Nero - this is how I think it works psychologically for us
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how in the world we just tra la forward & never give it a thought - well, impossible of course. little by little a day or afternoon comes when i don't remember past or give it a thought. it's sad, but i guess good too. every stinking morning it's the first thing that pops into my mind tho-
that's a bummer- bad start & i immediately drink a ton of coffee- get going - shove my brain back down there - and get busy- BUT - it's an unreal way to live. i think it's the only thing one can do tho- or you'd lay in yoru bed bleeding all day every day and cease to exist. i guess that's why people become alcoholics, or kill themselves. (a quick "fix" to a big long problem? some fix huh? destroying self to dull the pain)
What happened to us hurt a lot and it is normal to feel lots of pain, and go on feeling it. But the pain really is the grit in the oyster - we start to grow the pearl, and become someone better than we were. If you didn't hurt you would find it hard to heal. Someone used to post about living authentically, and I think that is what we have to try and do, being true to ourselves, not denying that we loved someone, and that we are hurt, but looking always to heal and move beyond it.
And we need crutches, which as we heal we gradually are able to cast away.
It is our spouses/ex spouses who instead of dealing with their pain wreck the lives of others, and are still damaged.
This does not define you, but there really is no way to the other side but through it.
When we have dealt with it you will look back and realise how much you have changed.
