It would help alot if you could stop beating yourself up for slipping on the DB method. I think everyone does that from time to time - I know I have. Keep in mind that DBing isn't a magic formula that if followed exactly produces results. It is a guideline that can possibly give you better odds.
There is NOTHING you can do to control your H. You can only control yourself. And that is what DB is really about anyway, its about taking care of yourself.
There is a chance that if you take care of yourself well enough that if/when your spouse stops their destructive behavior they will look over and say "Wow. What am I thinking?" Of course, by that time the LBS may no longer be interested...
But, if you want to come out of this in the best way possible you have to take the best care of yourself possible. Beating yourself up, calling yourself stupid or weak is NOT good care. And YOU have the power to STOP this. It will take effort and conscious work on your part, but it will be such a benefit.
Remember my post about adding "yet"? That may sound silly but it makes a difference. You have to allow yourself time to get through this.
I do feel bad for you Kelela, but I know you will come through this ok.
I happen to know for a fact that you have at least one friend who will help you in any way possible.
Take care. Keep posting here ALOT!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
