Thanks to all for your thoughtful replies. I was initially offended at MrBond's comment as I have read DR carefully, stopping at chapter 7 (taking stock) since I wasn't at that stage yet. I have also read Michelle's articles on the site (plus I try to read Sandi's rules every day). But I realzed that in agreeing to SM's suggestions, it appears I am agreeing to some non DB, non Sandi "stuff".

When I thought about his comments of creating fun times, I was thinking about activities with the family or just the kids. As a depressed person, I need to be more cheery as a sad S is an easy S to leave. As for the bonding, I was thinking more about trying to start to rebuild rapport with W through benign interactions and not discussing R or being sad and such. But I suppose any attempt at contact is non DB - correct?

As I said, I have read the first 6 chapters and am trying to apply them consistently. I am screwing up often, but trying hard not to. Thanks MrBond for trying to keep me honest - I don't know if my explanations make sense.

Etc, thanks for sharing your sitch - I want to say it's comforting, but I dread W leaving. I still believe that if you uproot the family, esp the kids, tell friends and family you're separated, etc., there's no going back for me. Am I being too stubborn on this? If we were 20, dating and childless, I might think differently.

BTW, the housework is being dropped badly, which is another reason I'm stepping up. It was a specific complaint in MC, so trying to address it, but agree with others here that housework alone will probably not save most marriages. I wish W would find that attractive and jump me wink But, Tallulah, I will keep doing it for many reasons. Thanks for your encouragement.

This community is massively helpful, especially as I don't have anyone I can talk to (I have friends and family, but am ashamed to admit all if this). Thanks again to all!