I have noticed that you never post on anyone else's thread. Some of your own healing will come from connecting to others who are in similar sitches. Reaching out and communicating, I think, would be very good for you. And it helps whoever you reach out to as well. Don't you like to log into DB and find posts on your thread? I know I do! Take a risk and reach out Kelela Make a new friend - even if it is only a virtual friend.
You don't have to give advice - you can just say "I've read your thread and wish you good luck."
C'mon and get social!!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Will here is The new's up date H just told me that is he moving out by the 1st of August. And right now we are just separating and we are going to go everything on Sunday cause he has to work all day and night tomorrow. So in the mean time he wants me to come up with what he can take with him and when will he be able to have the boys. Omg I'm son not ready for this in knew this was coming. But I didn't know it was this soon. And of course I totally lost it and did exactly what I wasn't supposed to do I went right back to the crying and pleading. Will know I collected myself and when Sunday comes I need to be strong and focus to what I have to do now. I will have all day tomorrow to come up with what i need to do for my boys and myself. Please I really could use all the prayers to keep me strong and calm for when I meet with H on Sunday to discuss everything that I will need to take care of my boys.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Thank you but after tonight I'm not that strong I just had my heart ripped out once again. I now have yo be strong for my boys so I will do all my crying tonight and I will have to move on tomorrow.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
It would help alot if you could stop beating yourself up for slipping on the DB method. I think everyone does that from time to time - I know I have. Keep in mind that DBing isn't a magic formula that if followed exactly produces results. It is a guideline that can possibly give you better odds.
There is NOTHING you can do to control your H. You can only control yourself. And that is what DB is really about anyway, its about taking care of yourself.
There is a chance that if you take care of yourself well enough that if/when your spouse stops their destructive behavior they will look over and say "Wow. What am I thinking?" Of course, by that time the LBS may no longer be interested...
But, if you want to come out of this in the best way possible you have to take the best care of yourself possible. Beating yourself up, calling yourself stupid or weak is NOT good care. And YOU have the power to STOP this. It will take effort and conscious work on your part, but it will be such a benefit.
Remember my post about adding "yet"? That may sound silly but it makes a difference. You have to allow yourself time to get through this.
I do feel bad for you Kelela, but I know you will come through this ok.
I happen to know for a fact that you have at least one friend who will help you in any way possible.
Take care. Keep posting here ALOT!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I have noticed that you never post on anyone else's thread. Some of your own healing will come from connecting to others who are in similar sitches. Reaching out and communicating, I think, would be very good for you. And it helps whoever you reach out to as well. Don't you like to log into DB and find posts on your thread? I know I do! Take a risk and reach out Kelela Make a new friend - even if it is only a virtual friend.
You don't have to give advice - you can just say "I've read your thread and wish you good luck."
C'mon and get social!!
I second this! I've learned mush more on this board by reading other threads and searching in the archives for more info.
Here's another easy GAL-get outside and take a walk every day, even if it's just around your house.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I agree miz and labug I've learnt so much from moving around the board and it has helped me so much with my 180s Turn your negatives into positves K, it's always worked for me You need to keep focusing on you and your sons. It does your sons no good to see you moping around and being miserable all the time. Plus it's unhealthy to be miserable all the time You are in my prayers, as are all the LBS Have a good w/end and enjoy yourself with your boys Oh and don't beat yourself up about doing the crying and begging, I've been there as well! I think we all have!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I wish he had talked to me about not being happy in our marriage before he started his A's I know we could have worked them out.
Originally Posted By: TryingToDo180
Kelela, this happened to me as well. My H didn't tell me exactly what had gone wrong in our marriage until it was too late!
This is something I don't understand with my H either. Several times a year I would as him how he felt things were going in our marriage and he always said good. Then after 3 years past he's suddenly unhappy out of no where and he was at the end of his rope. Why not say something when you were still willing to work at it. He "fought" alone, the felt he'd done everything he could do....all the while I'm clueless.
Continue to better yourself Kelela in spite of your H's actions. All the best to you and your boys. Things will improve over time!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Mimi that's exactly what I used to do as well. I used to ask him if he's ok and he would always say yes. I gave him plenty of opportunities to say what was on his mind and not once did he indicate to me that he was thinking of leaving. Kelela your pain and heartache will improve over time Whenever you feel down, try to push that feeling right down into your toes. Turn your negatives into positives and have fun with your kids
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Make a new friend - even if it is only a virtual friend.