DB seemingly backfired w/ my H???

[Mimi00]

He noticed how you looked and how your attitude changed. Next was to show him that even though you want the M to work out, you don't NEED him. While at dinner with him, you could have excused yourself to text someone or had an arrangement of flowers at home. Something to show that you're a woman of worth. Inviting the friend over was a negative. It should have been just between you and him.

One of the silly hurtful things I said to him 2 years ago (out of anger) was "I can do better on my own". Thus, he heard: "I don't need him". So he already feels that I don't need him...and I'm better off with out him. So I'm not sure how I could've done that with out him recalling the past???

Inviting the friend over was a negative. It should have been just between you and him.

H left his phone charger in the friends car by mistake the night before, so the friend drove 45 mins in traffic just to bring it to him; so I told him to tell the friend to stay for dinner as well since he went out of his way just to bring the car charger to H.

He is playing with your head. It's a way of him controlling the situation. He wants to stay in control. YOU have to show him that you have a mind of your own and will not take all the blame for the failure of your M.

I will work on this, but I do own up to my faults, and have continued to (I don't feel everything was my fault, but I have the habit of only seeing my self now. I know I can't control others I can only control me, so my mistakes is what I focus on when discussing "us" now). So maybe I should stop since I've said my apologies numerous times?

When I do say the things I've done, he will even say "it's not all your fault, there are things I could've done better..... I am the one giving up, I guess I'm just not strong enough?"

I didn't know how to respond to that.

Keep posting and work on yourself.

Thanks, I will try my best.

H said I made all these improvements with out him and he needs to work on him self now. He's been taking care of others all his life, now it's time to just worry about himself.

I told him, yes when I made the improvements we were in different cities, but were were still married. He doesn't have to get rid of me to improve himself, that's BS!

I believe I've noticed a pattern with him:
Before we met, he had hard times with his mother, she always depends on him for things. He got sick of her and went to live with a girlfriend (who he dated before me). When they broke up he went back to supporting/living with his mother.

When we initially were getting to know each other, he was down south, supporting his mother who made him drive her around, pay bills, cut the grass yet she did not praise him for working and supporting her; she gave all the positive attention to his no good brother.

He was miserable, then he began to fly up north to the "big city" to visit me and he loved it. I took care of him, cooked meals, took him to art exhibits, showed him things he'd never seen before. He loved it....and grew to love me. I didn't realize it before, but he ran away from his misery there, to his "happy" life with me.

So we get married, we are forced to move from the "big city" into the suburbs b/c he got a job there. I gave up my plans/dreams and supported him by moving with no complaints. Life wasn't as fun in the middle of no where, an hour away from the city. He felt pressure with me having not having a job, said mean things, thought I married him just to live off him and not work (he won't admit to saying this now), things started going down hill w/in the first year of marriage. I never felt like #1 in his heart, he didn't have money to put in our savings account, but when ever his mother called for money, he had money to give to her. I finally got a job, then all we really did was work for the next 2 years, b/c I was so worried about how he reacted the first year with me not having a job.... year 3 he says we were like roommates but other than that really doesn't ever make any complaints about are marriage or any attempts to be closer, keeps it all to himself, so I thought everything was fine.

Things start to get better between us (at least they did in in my eyes & heart) so I suggest he start traveling for his work b/c that was always his dream. He signed up to travel..... then seemingly out of no where announced he was unhappy, we go to a few counseling sessions, but follow through with already made plans to be separate for his first travel assignment.

So, he moves out to the mountains, he's experiencing new things, snowboarding, going out and about as he pleases, gets a big promotion, he's "happy" (everything he was when he use to escape his down south life to visit me in the "big city"). I visit him in the mountains, the visit doesn't go as well as planned, he told me that was the first negative experience he's had in his new mountain life. So in his mind he now associates me (and our past) with negativity.
It seems he has a pattern of running from what he deems negativity, instead of pushing through or dealing with it and going on a search for "happiness".

The purpose of marriage is not "happiness", happiness is just one of the many benefits. Happiness needs to be inside you, regardless of your surroundings and who is in your life.

He says when he's done with something, he's done.
Nothing will change his mind.
At this point I'm not sure what I should do.... any suggestions? I just planned on moving on and letting him do what's in his heart to do (leave me). It's hard loving someone who says they no longer love you.
So I have no plans to contact him, unless something comes in the mail for him that he needs....

He says he'll support me financially until I feel I'm okay to do it on my own, but I know that will get old for him really quick. Last week he showed me a pic of an expensive truck he plans to purchase in a few months and he says he'll have to get an apartment since he'll be taking a permanent position where he is and his living expenses will no longer be covered (b/c he was a traveling position), and in 3 months he'll probably have to start paying rent of $1,000+